Don't look at me in that tone of voice,
It smells a funny colour.
It's a popular saying from way back, and it carries a lot more meaning than at first appears. "That tone of voice" implies a critical note, and one that causes offence. Equally, you can convey much more than the words you use, through the way you speak. As Louis Armstrong sang, "It ain't what you say, it's the way that you say it."
The way you use your voice can make you persuasive and plausible, or it can lose you business. It can inspire people to follow you or it can distance people from you. Unfortunately, too many people cause upsets without realising it, just through their tone of voice.
Does it matter? Only if you want people to like you.
Can you do anything about your voice? Almost certainly. It depends on two things: your mental attitude and certain physical changes. I'll come to those in a moment, but first let's consider a couple of situations in which the tone of voice has mattered.
I was running a training session in which I introduced the idea of the Elevator Speech. It's something I do very frequently, and I usually do it the same way. I start by asking all the delegates present "What do you do?" and inevitably they give me their job titles. I then jokingly say, "That's so BORING!" and they all laugh. Not this last time, though.
There must have been something on my mind as I said it, and it upset the people there. Later they said I had been rude. Whatever had been on my mind, it changed my tone of voice. Everything else was exactly as it has always been - or so I thought. But that slight, almost imperceptible change in my tone, made it sound as though I was being rude instead of funny.
Consider how you might sound on the phone.
A customer calls and asks a question. You are a bit busy, but you want to be helpful, so you give what you consider to be an efficient answer, to the point and without wasting the caller's time. You think you've done a good job. The caller, on the other hand, may go away thinking you have been rather offhand, possibly even rude.
So what can you do to sound your best?
The most important starting place is in your own attitude. A New York hotel owner was once asked how she trained her staff to be nice to customers. She replied, "I don't hire people who know how to be nice. I hire nice people." Be friendly, and you'll sound friendly.
It's not advisable to develop different voices for different situations - haven't we all heard some people's "telephone voices"? But it is certainly worth developing a better sounding voice, one with credibility and authority as well as approachability. Here are a few simple techniques:
1. Keep a mirror on your desk to check if you are smiling when speaking - until it becomes a natural thing to do.
2. Practise speaking lower than usual, especially if your voice is high pitched.
3. Get feedback from trusted friends on the sound of your voice. Change what they don't like.
4. Sit up straight. Posture affects the voice.
5. Drink lots of water, especially if you do a lot of talking on the phone.
6. Practise proper breathing from the diaphragm.
7. Use the inner smile: think of some incident involving a child or an animal that always makes you want to smile. Your spirits will lift and your voice will change.
8. Put a note on your desk that reads: "Hello old friend!" to remind you to speak to everyone as you would to an old friend you haven't seen for ages.
Be friendly, show everyone respect and develop a mellifluous sounding voice. It's an unbeatable combination. And if you need help with it, email me: phillip@mainspeaker.com
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Monday, 2 November 2009
PUBLIC SPEAKING: THE MIROWAVE METHOD
There are two claims about public speaking that are both misunderstood and misapplied:
* The first is that speaking in public is feared even more than death.
* The second is the 7%-38%-55% set of statistics that came out of a study conducted by Dr Albert Mehrabian.
Let me ask you this: if someone held a gun to your head and made you believe your life was about to end, unless you agreed to make a speech, would you say, "Go ahead and shoot. I'd rather die than speak in public." If you genuinely believe you would, you need help, and I can recommend a caring counsellor.
Another question: can you really take leave of common sense and accept that only 7% of meaning is conveyed by the words? Read some poetry and tell me that. Recall the dramatic wartime radio broadcasts by Winston Churchill and tell me that his non-verbal communication mattered more than his words! Does an email convey only 7% of your meaning?
Dr Mehrabian made no such claims. His study concerned those situations in which the spoken words did not match other signals, when conveying feelings. Lazy people have applied the figures to all communication.
I train people in public speaking, and have never once met a person who preferred to die. But I have met people who have been misdirected by trainers who have given them formulas to follow, as though there is only one correct way to make a presentation. And I have met people who have considered my own record as a public speaker and wanted me to help them to speak like me.
My response to them is this: some trainers are like conventional ovens, but I use the Microwave Method. A conventional oven imparts its heat to the dish, but a microwave oven stimulates the dish to generate its own heat. My approach is to develop what is in each individual, to help them become the best version of themselves, not another version of me.
Because they are following their own style, but using the insights they get from me, and not just trying to remember some technique they were shown, the benefit sticks. And the credit for their improved performance belongs to them.
The Microwave Method. Created and practised by Phillip Khan-Panni. For speeches and presentations that are worth hearing. www.pkpcommunicators.com
* The first is that speaking in public is feared even more than death.
* The second is the 7%-38%-55% set of statistics that came out of a study conducted by Dr Albert Mehrabian.
Let me ask you this: if someone held a gun to your head and made you believe your life was about to end, unless you agreed to make a speech, would you say, "Go ahead and shoot. I'd rather die than speak in public." If you genuinely believe you would, you need help, and I can recommend a caring counsellor.
Another question: can you really take leave of common sense and accept that only 7% of meaning is conveyed by the words? Read some poetry and tell me that. Recall the dramatic wartime radio broadcasts by Winston Churchill and tell me that his non-verbal communication mattered more than his words! Does an email convey only 7% of your meaning?
Dr Mehrabian made no such claims. His study concerned those situations in which the spoken words did not match other signals, when conveying feelings. Lazy people have applied the figures to all communication.
I train people in public speaking, and have never once met a person who preferred to die. But I have met people who have been misdirected by trainers who have given them formulas to follow, as though there is only one correct way to make a presentation. And I have met people who have considered my own record as a public speaker and wanted me to help them to speak like me.
My response to them is this: some trainers are like conventional ovens, but I use the Microwave Method. A conventional oven imparts its heat to the dish, but a microwave oven stimulates the dish to generate its own heat. My approach is to develop what is in each individual, to help them become the best version of themselves, not another version of me.
Because they are following their own style, but using the insights they get from me, and not just trying to remember some technique they were shown, the benefit sticks. And the credit for their improved performance belongs to them.
The Microwave Method. Created and practised by Phillip Khan-Panni. For speeches and presentations that are worth hearing. www.pkpcommunicators.com
Saturday, 15 August 2009
Take charge of your own introduction
On two recent occasions when I was the main speaker, I provided my own introduction in writing, in advance, to make it easier for the chairman, and to ensure that I was properly launched.
On the first occasion, the chairman printed my introduction in the day's programme and introduced me like this: "Our next speaker is Phillip Khan-Panni. You've got his details in the programme, so I'm not going to read it out. I'll just leave it to him. Phillip." I had to warm up the audience myself. 200 professionals who had never seen or heard me before.
On the second occasion the Chairman Skyped me to say, "I think I'll shorten your introduction a bit and put it in my own words." I said Please don't. He did not do a good job of reading the introduction I sent, so I shudder to think what might have happened if I'd agreed to let him do it his own way.
The purpose of an introduction is to warm up the audience, building up expectations, and launch the speaker with the full endorsement of the Chairman (who represents the organisation running the event). Most Chair persons neither understand that nor make the effort to prepare a proper introduction, so the speaker should always write and send their own introductions, taking along a spare copy on the day in case the chair person has left it at home.
Here are some guidelines.
Some Dos
What should an introduction consist of? It should:
• Engage the attention of the audience
• Raise their expectations, but not too highly
• Launch the speaker
• Mention his/her name several times
• Establish the speaker's expertise or qualifications
• State what the speaker will be talking about (speech title)
• Be brief
• Create a good impression of the speaker
Some Don'ts
Needs no introduction …The why make one? This is just lazy talk.
Without further ado …First of all, it's old fashioned. Secondly, have you considered what it means? Do really intend to say that it has been a bit of a nuisance talking about the speaker, so let's quit now? "Ado" means "difficulty, bother or fuss". Think of "Much ado about nothing".
The speaker gave me this …This undermines the speaker. It says, in effect, "I'm not taking responsibility for the good things I'm about to tell you about the speaker" and implies that the speaker is immodest.
Good lady wife …The phrase is so cringe-making. Does he have a bad wife as well? Sometimes people say "good lady" or "better half". Don't be one of them. It's a shibboleth that demeans the lady and you as well.
Put your hands together …In prayer? It's one of those dreadful clichés that have been popularised by ill-educated game show hosts on TV.
None other than …It's all a bit unnecessary, and reminds me of the introduction song to Donald Duck cartoons, which ends, "No one (pause) but Donald Duck!"
Heard he's good …Sounds like a challenge. "Heard he's good, so let's see if it's true!" It places an unfair burden of proof on the speaker, and raises the audience's expectations to an unreasonable level.
HOW to do it right (Chair person)
Consult the speaker beforehand
Obtain only Relevant info for the occasion
Consider your Opening/maintain good Order
Present speaker's Credentials
Give the Speaker/Guest Kudos
Do it with Enthusiasm
Give Title -- speech / Speaker / Topic
Finish on speaker's name, with a rising flourish: John (pause) SMITH!
EXAMPLE of correct Speaker introduction:
Our next speaker is well known to you all. I won't say he needs no introduction, because it is always a pleasure and an honour to introduce Les King, a man of many parts. He is witty, humorous, and a fascinating raconteur. When Mike Silverman appointed him Area Governor, Les said that it was proof that Mike has a sense of humour. Among his many interests is a fascination with computers and with the Internet, which he uses to communicate with Toastmasters everywhere. This evening he is going to show us how easy it is to cope with the complexities of the Internet. The title of his speech is, "Talk is cheap, but the Net is cheaper."
Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a friendly and warm welcome to our Area Governor,
Les (pause) KING!
PKP
On the first occasion, the chairman printed my introduction in the day's programme and introduced me like this: "Our next speaker is Phillip Khan-Panni. You've got his details in the programme, so I'm not going to read it out. I'll just leave it to him. Phillip." I had to warm up the audience myself. 200 professionals who had never seen or heard me before.
On the second occasion the Chairman Skyped me to say, "I think I'll shorten your introduction a bit and put it in my own words." I said Please don't. He did not do a good job of reading the introduction I sent, so I shudder to think what might have happened if I'd agreed to let him do it his own way.
The purpose of an introduction is to warm up the audience, building up expectations, and launch the speaker with the full endorsement of the Chairman (who represents the organisation running the event). Most Chair persons neither understand that nor make the effort to prepare a proper introduction, so the speaker should always write and send their own introductions, taking along a spare copy on the day in case the chair person has left it at home.
Here are some guidelines.
Some Dos
What should an introduction consist of? It should:
• Engage the attention of the audience
• Raise their expectations, but not too highly
• Launch the speaker
• Mention his/her name several times
• Establish the speaker's expertise or qualifications
• State what the speaker will be talking about (speech title)
• Be brief
• Create a good impression of the speaker
Some Don'ts
Needs no introduction …The why make one? This is just lazy talk.
Without further ado …First of all, it's old fashioned. Secondly, have you considered what it means? Do really intend to say that it has been a bit of a nuisance talking about the speaker, so let's quit now? "Ado" means "difficulty, bother or fuss". Think of "Much ado about nothing".
The speaker gave me this …This undermines the speaker. It says, in effect, "I'm not taking responsibility for the good things I'm about to tell you about the speaker" and implies that the speaker is immodest.
Good lady wife …The phrase is so cringe-making. Does he have a bad wife as well? Sometimes people say "good lady" or "better half". Don't be one of them. It's a shibboleth that demeans the lady and you as well.
Put your hands together …In prayer? It's one of those dreadful clichés that have been popularised by ill-educated game show hosts on TV.
None other than …It's all a bit unnecessary, and reminds me of the introduction song to Donald Duck cartoons, which ends, "No one (pause) but Donald Duck!"
Heard he's good …Sounds like a challenge. "Heard he's good, so let's see if it's true!" It places an unfair burden of proof on the speaker, and raises the audience's expectations to an unreasonable level.
HOW to do it right (Chair person)
Consult the speaker beforehand
Obtain only Relevant info for the occasion
Consider your Opening/maintain good Order
Present speaker's Credentials
Give the Speaker/Guest Kudos
Do it with Enthusiasm
Give Title -- speech / Speaker / Topic
Finish on speaker's name, with a rising flourish: John (pause) SMITH!
EXAMPLE of correct Speaker introduction:
Our next speaker is well known to you all. I won't say he needs no introduction, because it is always a pleasure and an honour to introduce Les King, a man of many parts. He is witty, humorous, and a fascinating raconteur. When Mike Silverman appointed him Area Governor, Les said that it was proof that Mike has a sense of humour. Among his many interests is a fascination with computers and with the Internet, which he uses to communicate with Toastmasters everywhere. This evening he is going to show us how easy it is to cope with the complexities of the Internet. The title of his speech is, "Talk is cheap, but the Net is cheaper."
Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a friendly and warm welcome to our Area Governor,
Les (pause) KING!
PKP
Thursday, 13 August 2009
Beware of being boring
A year ago I published this Blog, but recent events have prompted me to give it another airing. I've come across some really nice people whose good intentions and underlying talent have been sidelined by their inability to get to the point, or one of the other boring symptoms listed below.
A lot of people are boring, and don't know it. It's a bit like having BO -- no one tells you, but they quickly move away! I want to tell them, but I know I would only hurt or offend them, so I hope they will read this and take remedial action.
I used to be guilty of capping stories. I thought I was merely extending the topic by adding my own experience, but others received it as capping stories. It took a female friend with the cojones to tell me about it. So let me help you to understand why you may not be making quite the impact you expect, when you attend networking meetings.
No offence is meant. On the contrary, if you recognise any of the symptoms, I hope you will make the necessary adjustments and become a person that others will want to talk to.
A bore is someone who:
•makes pronouncements on every subject that arises
•caps stories
•goes one better than everyone else
•talks too long
•is in love with the sound of their own voice
•pins you against the wall at parties or networking gatherings
•monopolises the conversation or another person
Above all, a bore is someone who seems not to be interested in what someone else says. Typically they will either interrupt before the other person has finished, or will ignore what has just been said and proceed with their own stuff.
The way to avoid being boring is always to be interested in what the other person is saying, and to make your own point sparingly. You can always elaborate if you are asked to do so, but never impose the elaboration on your listener. And beware of getting carried away if you are talking to a good listener who encourages to go on!
Try to be a good listener. It will help others to warm to you, and then they will want to know more about you.
In business, remember that boring doesn't sell!
If necessary I can help. 0845 165 9240.
A lot of people are boring, and don't know it. It's a bit like having BO -- no one tells you, but they quickly move away! I want to tell them, but I know I would only hurt or offend them, so I hope they will read this and take remedial action.
I used to be guilty of capping stories. I thought I was merely extending the topic by adding my own experience, but others received it as capping stories. It took a female friend with the cojones to tell me about it. So let me help you to understand why you may not be making quite the impact you expect, when you attend networking meetings.
No offence is meant. On the contrary, if you recognise any of the symptoms, I hope you will make the necessary adjustments and become a person that others will want to talk to.
A bore is someone who:
•makes pronouncements on every subject that arises
•caps stories
•goes one better than everyone else
•talks too long
•is in love with the sound of their own voice
•pins you against the wall at parties or networking gatherings
•monopolises the conversation or another person
Above all, a bore is someone who seems not to be interested in what someone else says. Typically they will either interrupt before the other person has finished, or will ignore what has just been said and proceed with their own stuff.
The way to avoid being boring is always to be interested in what the other person is saying, and to make your own point sparingly. You can always elaborate if you are asked to do so, but never impose the elaboration on your listener. And beware of getting carried away if you are talking to a good listener who encourages to go on!
Try to be a good listener. It will help others to warm to you, and then they will want to know more about you.
In business, remember that boring doesn't sell!
If necessary I can help. 0845 165 9240.
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
An interesting way to solicit testimonials?
In a business network to which I belong, a member has asked the question, "How do others perceive me?"
He lists a string of adjectives that others have applied to him and adds, "I consider these positive attributes. So why is no one buying from me?"
Over the past two months, the forum has received a stream of comments from other members, both affirming him as a worthy person and indicating what they understand his speciality to be. So he gets three benefits:
1. feedback on his profile
2. people take time to think about what he has to offer
3. they say positive things about him. Testimonials.
This week another member published an apology for having inadvertently upset other members, reminding people of his well-known good intentions and efforts to help others. The response was, predictably, a stream of positive comments (affirmations) as well as puzzled requests for details of the offence he claims to have caused.
The net result was the same as for the first member:
1. feedback on his profile
2. people take time to think about what he has to offer
3. they say positive things about him. Testimonials.
Both in their different ways were expanding their "Open" boxes in their respective Johari Windows. As you know, box no.1 is the "Open" or "Public" area -- what is known to oneself and also to everyone else. Box no.2 is the "Blind" area: stuff that is known to others but unknown to oneself (3 is Hidden and 4 is Unknown).
We can, and should, expand the Open box by soliciting feedback, and so reduce the Blind box. Member number one achieved that by asking directly for feedback. Member number two achieved the same result by apologising for some unspecified slight. You may consider that clever marketing.
What do you think?
He lists a string of adjectives that others have applied to him and adds, "I consider these positive attributes. So why is no one buying from me?"
Over the past two months, the forum has received a stream of comments from other members, both affirming him as a worthy person and indicating what they understand his speciality to be. So he gets three benefits:
1. feedback on his profile
2. people take time to think about what he has to offer
3. they say positive things about him. Testimonials.
This week another member published an apology for having inadvertently upset other members, reminding people of his well-known good intentions and efforts to help others. The response was, predictably, a stream of positive comments (affirmations) as well as puzzled requests for details of the offence he claims to have caused.
The net result was the same as for the first member:
1. feedback on his profile
2. people take time to think about what he has to offer
3. they say positive things about him. Testimonials.
Both in their different ways were expanding their "Open" boxes in their respective Johari Windows. As you know, box no.1 is the "Open" or "Public" area -- what is known to oneself and also to everyone else. Box no.2 is the "Blind" area: stuff that is known to others but unknown to oneself (3 is Hidden and 4 is Unknown).
We can, and should, expand the Open box by soliciting feedback, and so reduce the Blind box. Member number one achieved that by asking directly for feedback. Member number two achieved the same result by apologising for some unspecified slight. You may consider that clever marketing.
What do you think?
Thursday, 30 July 2009
We speak the way we think
A lifetime ago I was Senior Copywriter at The Reader's Digest. And yes, we did spend a lot of time discussing the positioning of the apostrophe in Reader's.
One of my colleagues, Donald, was an Art Director in the Creative Department. Donald had an extraordinary way with words. Some of our colleagues would stuff a hankie into their mouths, with eyes streaming with tears of mirth, and rush into another office to write down some of the things he said.
Donald ranked with Spooner, Mrs Malaprop and Sam Goldwyn in his mangling of language.
He developed MS and, to raise some funds for the Multiple Sclerosis Society, and with his permission, we published a small book of Donald's collected sayings, under the title, "My Pear Tree Has Gone Bananas". If you ever got your hands on a copy, you'd have found it was "right up your cup of tea", as Donald himself once said.
When he struggled with powerful emotions, Don would mix his metaphors. Here are a few:
This job is a right swine of a cow
It's always better talking to the horse's mouth
There was a little rat on the door
I'm caught between the devil and the frying pan
Donald liked his food, and was heard to say:
Can I have the Halibut Provencale without the garlic?
I can't even remember what I had for lunch yesterday; it all goes in one ear and out the other
He comes around here and picks up all the crumbs that make up the cream
Asked about his illness, Don said:
It's all to do with the spine ... because the legs are connected to the body, and the ams are connected to the head
My legs felt like solid jelly
I feel like death rolled up
My doctor said I'm not as young as I should be
Feeling the need for emphasis, he would say:
I don't exaggerate, I do six million jobs at once
Five tenths of an inch is an inch in my language
When I coach people in the best ways to get their point across, I still remember Don calling it a disastrous success and asking, How long is a carrot?
He spoke the way he thought. Right up his cup of tea.
PKP
One of my colleagues, Donald, was an Art Director in the Creative Department. Donald had an extraordinary way with words. Some of our colleagues would stuff a hankie into their mouths, with eyes streaming with tears of mirth, and rush into another office to write down some of the things he said.
Donald ranked with Spooner, Mrs Malaprop and Sam Goldwyn in his mangling of language.
He developed MS and, to raise some funds for the Multiple Sclerosis Society, and with his permission, we published a small book of Donald's collected sayings, under the title, "My Pear Tree Has Gone Bananas". If you ever got your hands on a copy, you'd have found it was "right up your cup of tea", as Donald himself once said.
When he struggled with powerful emotions, Don would mix his metaphors. Here are a few:
This job is a right swine of a cow
It's always better talking to the horse's mouth
There was a little rat on the door
I'm caught between the devil and the frying pan
Donald liked his food, and was heard to say:
Can I have the Halibut Provencale without the garlic?
I can't even remember what I had for lunch yesterday; it all goes in one ear and out the other
He comes around here and picks up all the crumbs that make up the cream
Asked about his illness, Don said:
It's all to do with the spine ... because the legs are connected to the body, and the ams are connected to the head
My legs felt like solid jelly
I feel like death rolled up
My doctor said I'm not as young as I should be
Feeling the need for emphasis, he would say:
I don't exaggerate, I do six million jobs at once
Five tenths of an inch is an inch in my language
When I coach people in the best ways to get their point across, I still remember Don calling it a disastrous success and asking, How long is a carrot?
He spoke the way he thought. Right up his cup of tea.
PKP
An ethical dilemma
My friend Jane is a freelance trainer and was approached, recently, by an agency who offered her a short term teaching course at a Midlands college for (say) 20 GBP per hour. When she got to the college, the Dean told her that he had not engaged the agency to fill the post, but had advertised it on Monster for (say) 40 GBP per hour. The agency had offered to provide a tutor for (say) 35 GBP per hour, so the Dean accepted.
The Dean went on to say that he was not keen on using agencies, and had other work for Jane to do, all at 40 GBP per hour, when the short term course was over.
So, the college had no contractual obligation to the agency, and Jane's commitment was for the short term course alone, at the reduced rate of 20 GBP per hour. Should she complete the course and then accept further work direct from the college at twice the money she was getting from the agency?
What would you advise?
PKP
The Dean went on to say that he was not keen on using agencies, and had other work for Jane to do, all at 40 GBP per hour, when the short term course was over.
So, the college had no contractual obligation to the agency, and Jane's commitment was for the short term course alone, at the reduced rate of 20 GBP per hour. Should she complete the course and then accept further work direct from the college at twice the money she was getting from the agency?
What would you advise?
PKP
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