Some people have names they regret. Some business names convey the wrong impression. Here are a few I have collected. Do you have any you could add?
RESTAURANTS
FU KING Chinese Restaurant in Lake City, Florida.
Kum Den Restaurant in Melbourne, Australia.
My Dung Restaurant in Rosemead, California.
Chinese Food Takeaway - Fu Do, in Bromley, Kent
Gassey Jack's near Orange City, Florida.
Hitler's Cross in Mumbai, changed its name after residents objected
Sar's Oriental Cuisine, Tacoma, Washington
McWanks's in Watson Lake, Yukon, Canada
Colon Restaurant, Barcelona, Spain
Bang a Dong in Metro, Atlanta
Cabbages and Condoms in Thailand
PEOPLE
Kim Yoo Suk is a pole vaulter
Chew Kok is a tourist guide
Sue Yoo is a lawyer in New York
Dr Ted Kadivar is a Florida surgeon
Dr Melvin Boner is an Endodentist in Florida
Dr Alden Cockburn is a urologist in New Mexico
Brad Slaughter is a Meat Manager
Karl Thojntxhebvwg is a Mortgage Consultant
Oliver Loser stood for election in Denmark
Willie Stroker was a judge at an outdoor event
Mike Litoris is an American
Rusty Kuntz plays baseball for the Detroit Tigers
Robert G. Aycock does plastic surgery
Dr Will Tickle is a chiropractor
CARS
Mazda LaPuta = The whore
Mitsubishi Pajero = Wanker
Nissan Moco = booger (nose picking)
Buick LaCrosse = masturbating teenagers (in Quebec)
Opel Ascona = vagina
Honda Fitta = vagina
Daihatsu Charade = just pretending
Dodge Swinger = so '70s!
Lamborghini Reventon = wheel puncture
Mazda Furai = stealing (in Romanian)
Sources: 2leep.com and oddee.com
I deal in words that work. If you want to be sure of getting it right, contact me.
PKP
www.pkpcommunicators.com
Saturday 19 December 2009
Wednesday 16 December 2009
Think 'local' when doing business abroad
Many a contract has been lost by not knowing how things are done locally. If you do business abroad, you need to have an understanding of how meetings are run out there ... and why.
The Western way is to start with a sliver of small talk, and then to get on with the agenda. It's well documented how Americans have flown abroad to do the business, sign the contracts, and get off home before the day is done, only to find that the locals cannot (will not) move so fast ... unless the Americans make big concessions!
It is equally well known that Arabs and other Easterners take offence when they are expected to get down to brass tacks before they have had the chance to develop a relationship of trust. So what's the best way to approach business meetings with cultures that differ from your own?
In some countries in Africa and Asia, formal meetings take a long time and frequently seem to achieve nothing - nothing that is obvious to the Western eye. It is their custom to allow and even encourage everyone present to say something on every topic that arises, even if what is said is hardly worth the breath.
It gives each person present a sense of self worth and is, in effect, a confirmation of their right to be at the meeting. It's an affirmation of status, even if the decision is eventually made by the senior person present, no matter what anyone else might say.
To get the result you want, you must be patient and fit in with the local ways. Find out what the purpose of the meeting is, and who are the really important people there. It is better to err on the side of generosity, and give a person more respect than he may deserve, rather than less.
The former may lose you nothing, while the latter may lose you everything.
PKP
The Western way is to start with a sliver of small talk, and then to get on with the agenda. It's well documented how Americans have flown abroad to do the business, sign the contracts, and get off home before the day is done, only to find that the locals cannot (will not) move so fast ... unless the Americans make big concessions!
It is equally well known that Arabs and other Easterners take offence when they are expected to get down to brass tacks before they have had the chance to develop a relationship of trust. So what's the best way to approach business meetings with cultures that differ from your own?
In some countries in Africa and Asia, formal meetings take a long time and frequently seem to achieve nothing - nothing that is obvious to the Western eye. It is their custom to allow and even encourage everyone present to say something on every topic that arises, even if what is said is hardly worth the breath.
It gives each person present a sense of self worth and is, in effect, a confirmation of their right to be at the meeting. It's an affirmation of status, even if the decision is eventually made by the senior person present, no matter what anyone else might say.
To get the result you want, you must be patient and fit in with the local ways. Find out what the purpose of the meeting is, and who are the really important people there. It is better to err on the side of generosity, and give a person more respect than he may deserve, rather than less.
The former may lose you nothing, while the latter may lose you everything.
PKP
Thursday 10 December 2009
What makes a speech or presentation succeed
I was recently approached by a friend to evaluate a speech she had prepared. It was good, well written and full of interesting content. But it wasn't a speech. It was, in effect, a spoken essay.
I told her that the text that's written to be said is different from the text that's written to be read.
An article printed in a magazine or newspaper allows you to read at your own pace, go back and read again the bits you didn't get the first time, memorise the things you want to retain. Listening to a speech is different. You hear it all just once, at the speaker's pace, and there is no instant rewind.
The speaker needs to be aware of this, and make it easy for the listener to get the point. Another consideration is the fact that our concentrations spans are very short, perhaps as little as seven seconds. Every seven seconds our minds switch to something else, so we are not paying attention all the time. (Even as you read this, you have had extraneous thoughts swim into your mind.)
Those are the built-in obstacles that a speaker must overcome. But the speaker has (or should have) a purpose for making the speech or presentation: it must be to bring about some change in the thinking, attitude or behaviour of the listener(s). That change can only come about if there is 'buy in' on the part of the listener, which implies some emotional response.
For a speech to work, for it to achieve its purpose, there needs to be a certain type of structure, the use of repetition, and some oratorical devices. Think of the famous speeches that you remember: JFK, Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln, Barack Obama, Winston Churchill. Think of the memorable phrases in those speeches, and note the devices - repetition, triads, mini climaxes and so on. These are the powerful elements that help the speaker to reach into the hearts of the hearers.
Being able to write in prose is not enough ... unless your PROSE stands for Purpose, Relevance, Oratory, Structure and Energy. And that's the message in my Masterclass, How to Make a Speech Worth Hearing. Saturday at The PSA London Chapter.
Get in touch.
I told her that the text that's written to be said is different from the text that's written to be read.
An article printed in a magazine or newspaper allows you to read at your own pace, go back and read again the bits you didn't get the first time, memorise the things you want to retain. Listening to a speech is different. You hear it all just once, at the speaker's pace, and there is no instant rewind.
The speaker needs to be aware of this, and make it easy for the listener to get the point. Another consideration is the fact that our concentrations spans are very short, perhaps as little as seven seconds. Every seven seconds our minds switch to something else, so we are not paying attention all the time. (Even as you read this, you have had extraneous thoughts swim into your mind.)
Those are the built-in obstacles that a speaker must overcome. But the speaker has (or should have) a purpose for making the speech or presentation: it must be to bring about some change in the thinking, attitude or behaviour of the listener(s). That change can only come about if there is 'buy in' on the part of the listener, which implies some emotional response.
For a speech to work, for it to achieve its purpose, there needs to be a certain type of structure, the use of repetition, and some oratorical devices. Think of the famous speeches that you remember: JFK, Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln, Barack Obama, Winston Churchill. Think of the memorable phrases in those speeches, and note the devices - repetition, triads, mini climaxes and so on. These are the powerful elements that help the speaker to reach into the hearts of the hearers.
Being able to write in prose is not enough ... unless your PROSE stands for Purpose, Relevance, Oratory, Structure and Energy. And that's the message in my Masterclass, How to Make a Speech Worth Hearing. Saturday at The PSA London Chapter.
Get in touch.
Tuesday 3 November 2009
Don't look at me in that tone of voice
Don't look at me in that tone of voice,
It smells a funny colour.
It's a popular saying from way back, and it carries a lot more meaning than at first appears. "That tone of voice" implies a critical note, and one that causes offence. Equally, you can convey much more than the words you use, through the way you speak. As Louis Armstrong sang, "It ain't what you say, it's the way that you say it."
The way you use your voice can make you persuasive and plausible, or it can lose you business. It can inspire people to follow you or it can distance people from you. Unfortunately, too many people cause upsets without realising it, just through their tone of voice.
Does it matter? Only if you want people to like you.
Can you do anything about your voice? Almost certainly. It depends on two things: your mental attitude and certain physical changes. I'll come to those in a moment, but first let's consider a couple of situations in which the tone of voice has mattered.
I was running a training session in which I introduced the idea of the Elevator Speech. It's something I do very frequently, and I usually do it the same way. I start by asking all the delegates present "What do you do?" and inevitably they give me their job titles. I then jokingly say, "That's so BORING!" and they all laugh. Not this last time, though.
There must have been something on my mind as I said it, and it upset the people there. Later they said I had been rude. Whatever had been on my mind, it changed my tone of voice. Everything else was exactly as it has always been - or so I thought. But that slight, almost imperceptible change in my tone, made it sound as though I was being rude instead of funny.
Consider how you might sound on the phone.
A customer calls and asks a question. You are a bit busy, but you want to be helpful, so you give what you consider to be an efficient answer, to the point and without wasting the caller's time. You think you've done a good job. The caller, on the other hand, may go away thinking you have been rather offhand, possibly even rude.
So what can you do to sound your best?
The most important starting place is in your own attitude. A New York hotel owner was once asked how she trained her staff to be nice to customers. She replied, "I don't hire people who know how to be nice. I hire nice people." Be friendly, and you'll sound friendly.
It's not advisable to develop different voices for different situations - haven't we all heard some people's "telephone voices"? But it is certainly worth developing a better sounding voice, one with credibility and authority as well as approachability. Here are a few simple techniques:
1. Keep a mirror on your desk to check if you are smiling when speaking - until it becomes a natural thing to do.
2. Practise speaking lower than usual, especially if your voice is high pitched.
3. Get feedback from trusted friends on the sound of your voice. Change what they don't like.
4. Sit up straight. Posture affects the voice.
5. Drink lots of water, especially if you do a lot of talking on the phone.
6. Practise proper breathing from the diaphragm.
7. Use the inner smile: think of some incident involving a child or an animal that always makes you want to smile. Your spirits will lift and your voice will change.
8. Put a note on your desk that reads: "Hello old friend!" to remind you to speak to everyone as you would to an old friend you haven't seen for ages.
Be friendly, show everyone respect and develop a mellifluous sounding voice. It's an unbeatable combination. And if you need help with it, email me: phillip@mainspeaker.com
It smells a funny colour.
It's a popular saying from way back, and it carries a lot more meaning than at first appears. "That tone of voice" implies a critical note, and one that causes offence. Equally, you can convey much more than the words you use, through the way you speak. As Louis Armstrong sang, "It ain't what you say, it's the way that you say it."
The way you use your voice can make you persuasive and plausible, or it can lose you business. It can inspire people to follow you or it can distance people from you. Unfortunately, too many people cause upsets without realising it, just through their tone of voice.
Does it matter? Only if you want people to like you.
Can you do anything about your voice? Almost certainly. It depends on two things: your mental attitude and certain physical changes. I'll come to those in a moment, but first let's consider a couple of situations in which the tone of voice has mattered.
I was running a training session in which I introduced the idea of the Elevator Speech. It's something I do very frequently, and I usually do it the same way. I start by asking all the delegates present "What do you do?" and inevitably they give me their job titles. I then jokingly say, "That's so BORING!" and they all laugh. Not this last time, though.
There must have been something on my mind as I said it, and it upset the people there. Later they said I had been rude. Whatever had been on my mind, it changed my tone of voice. Everything else was exactly as it has always been - or so I thought. But that slight, almost imperceptible change in my tone, made it sound as though I was being rude instead of funny.
Consider how you might sound on the phone.
A customer calls and asks a question. You are a bit busy, but you want to be helpful, so you give what you consider to be an efficient answer, to the point and without wasting the caller's time. You think you've done a good job. The caller, on the other hand, may go away thinking you have been rather offhand, possibly even rude.
So what can you do to sound your best?
The most important starting place is in your own attitude. A New York hotel owner was once asked how she trained her staff to be nice to customers. She replied, "I don't hire people who know how to be nice. I hire nice people." Be friendly, and you'll sound friendly.
It's not advisable to develop different voices for different situations - haven't we all heard some people's "telephone voices"? But it is certainly worth developing a better sounding voice, one with credibility and authority as well as approachability. Here are a few simple techniques:
1. Keep a mirror on your desk to check if you are smiling when speaking - until it becomes a natural thing to do.
2. Practise speaking lower than usual, especially if your voice is high pitched.
3. Get feedback from trusted friends on the sound of your voice. Change what they don't like.
4. Sit up straight. Posture affects the voice.
5. Drink lots of water, especially if you do a lot of talking on the phone.
6. Practise proper breathing from the diaphragm.
7. Use the inner smile: think of some incident involving a child or an animal that always makes you want to smile. Your spirits will lift and your voice will change.
8. Put a note on your desk that reads: "Hello old friend!" to remind you to speak to everyone as you would to an old friend you haven't seen for ages.
Be friendly, show everyone respect and develop a mellifluous sounding voice. It's an unbeatable combination. And if you need help with it, email me: phillip@mainspeaker.com
Monday 2 November 2009
PUBLIC SPEAKING: THE MIROWAVE METHOD
There are two claims about public speaking that are both misunderstood and misapplied:
* The first is that speaking in public is feared even more than death.
* The second is the 7%-38%-55% set of statistics that came out of a study conducted by Dr Albert Mehrabian.
Let me ask you this: if someone held a gun to your head and made you believe your life was about to end, unless you agreed to make a speech, would you say, "Go ahead and shoot. I'd rather die than speak in public." If you genuinely believe you would, you need help, and I can recommend a caring counsellor.
Another question: can you really take leave of common sense and accept that only 7% of meaning is conveyed by the words? Read some poetry and tell me that. Recall the dramatic wartime radio broadcasts by Winston Churchill and tell me that his non-verbal communication mattered more than his words! Does an email convey only 7% of your meaning?
Dr Mehrabian made no such claims. His study concerned those situations in which the spoken words did not match other signals, when conveying feelings. Lazy people have applied the figures to all communication.
I train people in public speaking, and have never once met a person who preferred to die. But I have met people who have been misdirected by trainers who have given them formulas to follow, as though there is only one correct way to make a presentation. And I have met people who have considered my own record as a public speaker and wanted me to help them to speak like me.
My response to them is this: some trainers are like conventional ovens, but I use the Microwave Method. A conventional oven imparts its heat to the dish, but a microwave oven stimulates the dish to generate its own heat. My approach is to develop what is in each individual, to help them become the best version of themselves, not another version of me.
Because they are following their own style, but using the insights they get from me, and not just trying to remember some technique they were shown, the benefit sticks. And the credit for their improved performance belongs to them.
The Microwave Method. Created and practised by Phillip Khan-Panni. For speeches and presentations that are worth hearing. www.pkpcommunicators.com
* The first is that speaking in public is feared even more than death.
* The second is the 7%-38%-55% set of statistics that came out of a study conducted by Dr Albert Mehrabian.
Let me ask you this: if someone held a gun to your head and made you believe your life was about to end, unless you agreed to make a speech, would you say, "Go ahead and shoot. I'd rather die than speak in public." If you genuinely believe you would, you need help, and I can recommend a caring counsellor.
Another question: can you really take leave of common sense and accept that only 7% of meaning is conveyed by the words? Read some poetry and tell me that. Recall the dramatic wartime radio broadcasts by Winston Churchill and tell me that his non-verbal communication mattered more than his words! Does an email convey only 7% of your meaning?
Dr Mehrabian made no such claims. His study concerned those situations in which the spoken words did not match other signals, when conveying feelings. Lazy people have applied the figures to all communication.
I train people in public speaking, and have never once met a person who preferred to die. But I have met people who have been misdirected by trainers who have given them formulas to follow, as though there is only one correct way to make a presentation. And I have met people who have considered my own record as a public speaker and wanted me to help them to speak like me.
My response to them is this: some trainers are like conventional ovens, but I use the Microwave Method. A conventional oven imparts its heat to the dish, but a microwave oven stimulates the dish to generate its own heat. My approach is to develop what is in each individual, to help them become the best version of themselves, not another version of me.
Because they are following their own style, but using the insights they get from me, and not just trying to remember some technique they were shown, the benefit sticks. And the credit for their improved performance belongs to them.
The Microwave Method. Created and practised by Phillip Khan-Panni. For speeches and presentations that are worth hearing. www.pkpcommunicators.com
Saturday 15 August 2009
Take charge of your own introduction
On two recent occasions when I was the main speaker, I provided my own introduction in writing, in advance, to make it easier for the chairman, and to ensure that I was properly launched.
On the first occasion, the chairman printed my introduction in the day's programme and introduced me like this: "Our next speaker is Phillip Khan-Panni. You've got his details in the programme, so I'm not going to read it out. I'll just leave it to him. Phillip." I had to warm up the audience myself. 200 professionals who had never seen or heard me before.
On the second occasion the Chairman Skyped me to say, "I think I'll shorten your introduction a bit and put it in my own words." I said Please don't. He did not do a good job of reading the introduction I sent, so I shudder to think what might have happened if I'd agreed to let him do it his own way.
The purpose of an introduction is to warm up the audience, building up expectations, and launch the speaker with the full endorsement of the Chairman (who represents the organisation running the event). Most Chair persons neither understand that nor make the effort to prepare a proper introduction, so the speaker should always write and send their own introductions, taking along a spare copy on the day in case the chair person has left it at home.
Here are some guidelines.
Some Dos
What should an introduction consist of? It should:
• Engage the attention of the audience
• Raise their expectations, but not too highly
• Launch the speaker
• Mention his/her name several times
• Establish the speaker's expertise or qualifications
• State what the speaker will be talking about (speech title)
• Be brief
• Create a good impression of the speaker
Some Don'ts
Needs no introduction …The why make one? This is just lazy talk.
Without further ado …First of all, it's old fashioned. Secondly, have you considered what it means? Do really intend to say that it has been a bit of a nuisance talking about the speaker, so let's quit now? "Ado" means "difficulty, bother or fuss". Think of "Much ado about nothing".
The speaker gave me this …This undermines the speaker. It says, in effect, "I'm not taking responsibility for the good things I'm about to tell you about the speaker" and implies that the speaker is immodest.
Good lady wife …The phrase is so cringe-making. Does he have a bad wife as well? Sometimes people say "good lady" or "better half". Don't be one of them. It's a shibboleth that demeans the lady and you as well.
Put your hands together …In prayer? It's one of those dreadful clichés that have been popularised by ill-educated game show hosts on TV.
None other than …It's all a bit unnecessary, and reminds me of the introduction song to Donald Duck cartoons, which ends, "No one (pause) but Donald Duck!"
Heard he's good …Sounds like a challenge. "Heard he's good, so let's see if it's true!" It places an unfair burden of proof on the speaker, and raises the audience's expectations to an unreasonable level.
HOW to do it right (Chair person)
Consult the speaker beforehand
Obtain only Relevant info for the occasion
Consider your Opening/maintain good Order
Present speaker's Credentials
Give the Speaker/Guest Kudos
Do it with Enthusiasm
Give Title -- speech / Speaker / Topic
Finish on speaker's name, with a rising flourish: John (pause) SMITH!
EXAMPLE of correct Speaker introduction:
Our next speaker is well known to you all. I won't say he needs no introduction, because it is always a pleasure and an honour to introduce Les King, a man of many parts. He is witty, humorous, and a fascinating raconteur. When Mike Silverman appointed him Area Governor, Les said that it was proof that Mike has a sense of humour. Among his many interests is a fascination with computers and with the Internet, which he uses to communicate with Toastmasters everywhere. This evening he is going to show us how easy it is to cope with the complexities of the Internet. The title of his speech is, "Talk is cheap, but the Net is cheaper."
Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a friendly and warm welcome to our Area Governor,
Les (pause) KING!
PKP
On the first occasion, the chairman printed my introduction in the day's programme and introduced me like this: "Our next speaker is Phillip Khan-Panni. You've got his details in the programme, so I'm not going to read it out. I'll just leave it to him. Phillip." I had to warm up the audience myself. 200 professionals who had never seen or heard me before.
On the second occasion the Chairman Skyped me to say, "I think I'll shorten your introduction a bit and put it in my own words." I said Please don't. He did not do a good job of reading the introduction I sent, so I shudder to think what might have happened if I'd agreed to let him do it his own way.
The purpose of an introduction is to warm up the audience, building up expectations, and launch the speaker with the full endorsement of the Chairman (who represents the organisation running the event). Most Chair persons neither understand that nor make the effort to prepare a proper introduction, so the speaker should always write and send their own introductions, taking along a spare copy on the day in case the chair person has left it at home.
Here are some guidelines.
Some Dos
What should an introduction consist of? It should:
• Engage the attention of the audience
• Raise their expectations, but not too highly
• Launch the speaker
• Mention his/her name several times
• Establish the speaker's expertise or qualifications
• State what the speaker will be talking about (speech title)
• Be brief
• Create a good impression of the speaker
Some Don'ts
Needs no introduction …The why make one? This is just lazy talk.
Without further ado …First of all, it's old fashioned. Secondly, have you considered what it means? Do really intend to say that it has been a bit of a nuisance talking about the speaker, so let's quit now? "Ado" means "difficulty, bother or fuss". Think of "Much ado about nothing".
The speaker gave me this …This undermines the speaker. It says, in effect, "I'm not taking responsibility for the good things I'm about to tell you about the speaker" and implies that the speaker is immodest.
Good lady wife …The phrase is so cringe-making. Does he have a bad wife as well? Sometimes people say "good lady" or "better half". Don't be one of them. It's a shibboleth that demeans the lady and you as well.
Put your hands together …In prayer? It's one of those dreadful clichés that have been popularised by ill-educated game show hosts on TV.
None other than …It's all a bit unnecessary, and reminds me of the introduction song to Donald Duck cartoons, which ends, "No one (pause) but Donald Duck!"
Heard he's good …Sounds like a challenge. "Heard he's good, so let's see if it's true!" It places an unfair burden of proof on the speaker, and raises the audience's expectations to an unreasonable level.
HOW to do it right (Chair person)
Consult the speaker beforehand
Obtain only Relevant info for the occasion
Consider your Opening/maintain good Order
Present speaker's Credentials
Give the Speaker/Guest Kudos
Do it with Enthusiasm
Give Title -- speech / Speaker / Topic
Finish on speaker's name, with a rising flourish: John (pause) SMITH!
EXAMPLE of correct Speaker introduction:
Our next speaker is well known to you all. I won't say he needs no introduction, because it is always a pleasure and an honour to introduce Les King, a man of many parts. He is witty, humorous, and a fascinating raconteur. When Mike Silverman appointed him Area Governor, Les said that it was proof that Mike has a sense of humour. Among his many interests is a fascination with computers and with the Internet, which he uses to communicate with Toastmasters everywhere. This evening he is going to show us how easy it is to cope with the complexities of the Internet. The title of his speech is, "Talk is cheap, but the Net is cheaper."
Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a friendly and warm welcome to our Area Governor,
Les (pause) KING!
PKP
Thursday 13 August 2009
Beware of being boring
A year ago I published this Blog, but recent events have prompted me to give it another airing. I've come across some really nice people whose good intentions and underlying talent have been sidelined by their inability to get to the point, or one of the other boring symptoms listed below.
A lot of people are boring, and don't know it. It's a bit like having BO -- no one tells you, but they quickly move away! I want to tell them, but I know I would only hurt or offend them, so I hope they will read this and take remedial action.
I used to be guilty of capping stories. I thought I was merely extending the topic by adding my own experience, but others received it as capping stories. It took a female friend with the cojones to tell me about it. So let me help you to understand why you may not be making quite the impact you expect, when you attend networking meetings.
No offence is meant. On the contrary, if you recognise any of the symptoms, I hope you will make the necessary adjustments and become a person that others will want to talk to.
A bore is someone who:
•makes pronouncements on every subject that arises
•caps stories
•goes one better than everyone else
•talks too long
•is in love with the sound of their own voice
•pins you against the wall at parties or networking gatherings
•monopolises the conversation or another person
Above all, a bore is someone who seems not to be interested in what someone else says. Typically they will either interrupt before the other person has finished, or will ignore what has just been said and proceed with their own stuff.
The way to avoid being boring is always to be interested in what the other person is saying, and to make your own point sparingly. You can always elaborate if you are asked to do so, but never impose the elaboration on your listener. And beware of getting carried away if you are talking to a good listener who encourages to go on!
Try to be a good listener. It will help others to warm to you, and then they will want to know more about you.
In business, remember that boring doesn't sell!
If necessary I can help. 0845 165 9240.
A lot of people are boring, and don't know it. It's a bit like having BO -- no one tells you, but they quickly move away! I want to tell them, but I know I would only hurt or offend them, so I hope they will read this and take remedial action.
I used to be guilty of capping stories. I thought I was merely extending the topic by adding my own experience, but others received it as capping stories. It took a female friend with the cojones to tell me about it. So let me help you to understand why you may not be making quite the impact you expect, when you attend networking meetings.
No offence is meant. On the contrary, if you recognise any of the symptoms, I hope you will make the necessary adjustments and become a person that others will want to talk to.
A bore is someone who:
•makes pronouncements on every subject that arises
•caps stories
•goes one better than everyone else
•talks too long
•is in love with the sound of their own voice
•pins you against the wall at parties or networking gatherings
•monopolises the conversation or another person
Above all, a bore is someone who seems not to be interested in what someone else says. Typically they will either interrupt before the other person has finished, or will ignore what has just been said and proceed with their own stuff.
The way to avoid being boring is always to be interested in what the other person is saying, and to make your own point sparingly. You can always elaborate if you are asked to do so, but never impose the elaboration on your listener. And beware of getting carried away if you are talking to a good listener who encourages to go on!
Try to be a good listener. It will help others to warm to you, and then they will want to know more about you.
In business, remember that boring doesn't sell!
If necessary I can help. 0845 165 9240.
Wednesday 5 August 2009
An interesting way to solicit testimonials?
In a business network to which I belong, a member has asked the question, "How do others perceive me?"
He lists a string of adjectives that others have applied to him and adds, "I consider these positive attributes. So why is no one buying from me?"
Over the past two months, the forum has received a stream of comments from other members, both affirming him as a worthy person and indicating what they understand his speciality to be. So he gets three benefits:
1. feedback on his profile
2. people take time to think about what he has to offer
3. they say positive things about him. Testimonials.
This week another member published an apology for having inadvertently upset other members, reminding people of his well-known good intentions and efforts to help others. The response was, predictably, a stream of positive comments (affirmations) as well as puzzled requests for details of the offence he claims to have caused.
The net result was the same as for the first member:
1. feedback on his profile
2. people take time to think about what he has to offer
3. they say positive things about him. Testimonials.
Both in their different ways were expanding their "Open" boxes in their respective Johari Windows. As you know, box no.1 is the "Open" or "Public" area -- what is known to oneself and also to everyone else. Box no.2 is the "Blind" area: stuff that is known to others but unknown to oneself (3 is Hidden and 4 is Unknown).
We can, and should, expand the Open box by soliciting feedback, and so reduce the Blind box. Member number one achieved that by asking directly for feedback. Member number two achieved the same result by apologising for some unspecified slight. You may consider that clever marketing.
What do you think?
He lists a string of adjectives that others have applied to him and adds, "I consider these positive attributes. So why is no one buying from me?"
Over the past two months, the forum has received a stream of comments from other members, both affirming him as a worthy person and indicating what they understand his speciality to be. So he gets three benefits:
1. feedback on his profile
2. people take time to think about what he has to offer
3. they say positive things about him. Testimonials.
This week another member published an apology for having inadvertently upset other members, reminding people of his well-known good intentions and efforts to help others. The response was, predictably, a stream of positive comments (affirmations) as well as puzzled requests for details of the offence he claims to have caused.
The net result was the same as for the first member:
1. feedback on his profile
2. people take time to think about what he has to offer
3. they say positive things about him. Testimonials.
Both in their different ways were expanding their "Open" boxes in their respective Johari Windows. As you know, box no.1 is the "Open" or "Public" area -- what is known to oneself and also to everyone else. Box no.2 is the "Blind" area: stuff that is known to others but unknown to oneself (3 is Hidden and 4 is Unknown).
We can, and should, expand the Open box by soliciting feedback, and so reduce the Blind box. Member number one achieved that by asking directly for feedback. Member number two achieved the same result by apologising for some unspecified slight. You may consider that clever marketing.
What do you think?
Thursday 30 July 2009
We speak the way we think
A lifetime ago I was Senior Copywriter at The Reader's Digest. And yes, we did spend a lot of time discussing the positioning of the apostrophe in Reader's.
One of my colleagues, Donald, was an Art Director in the Creative Department. Donald had an extraordinary way with words. Some of our colleagues would stuff a hankie into their mouths, with eyes streaming with tears of mirth, and rush into another office to write down some of the things he said.
Donald ranked with Spooner, Mrs Malaprop and Sam Goldwyn in his mangling of language.
He developed MS and, to raise some funds for the Multiple Sclerosis Society, and with his permission, we published a small book of Donald's collected sayings, under the title, "My Pear Tree Has Gone Bananas". If you ever got your hands on a copy, you'd have found it was "right up your cup of tea", as Donald himself once said.
When he struggled with powerful emotions, Don would mix his metaphors. Here are a few:
This job is a right swine of a cow
It's always better talking to the horse's mouth
There was a little rat on the door
I'm caught between the devil and the frying pan
Donald liked his food, and was heard to say:
Can I have the Halibut Provencale without the garlic?
I can't even remember what I had for lunch yesterday; it all goes in one ear and out the other
He comes around here and picks up all the crumbs that make up the cream
Asked about his illness, Don said:
It's all to do with the spine ... because the legs are connected to the body, and the ams are connected to the head
My legs felt like solid jelly
I feel like death rolled up
My doctor said I'm not as young as I should be
Feeling the need for emphasis, he would say:
I don't exaggerate, I do six million jobs at once
Five tenths of an inch is an inch in my language
When I coach people in the best ways to get their point across, I still remember Don calling it a disastrous success and asking, How long is a carrot?
He spoke the way he thought. Right up his cup of tea.
PKP
One of my colleagues, Donald, was an Art Director in the Creative Department. Donald had an extraordinary way with words. Some of our colleagues would stuff a hankie into their mouths, with eyes streaming with tears of mirth, and rush into another office to write down some of the things he said.
Donald ranked with Spooner, Mrs Malaprop and Sam Goldwyn in his mangling of language.
He developed MS and, to raise some funds for the Multiple Sclerosis Society, and with his permission, we published a small book of Donald's collected sayings, under the title, "My Pear Tree Has Gone Bananas". If you ever got your hands on a copy, you'd have found it was "right up your cup of tea", as Donald himself once said.
When he struggled with powerful emotions, Don would mix his metaphors. Here are a few:
This job is a right swine of a cow
It's always better talking to the horse's mouth
There was a little rat on the door
I'm caught between the devil and the frying pan
Donald liked his food, and was heard to say:
Can I have the Halibut Provencale without the garlic?
I can't even remember what I had for lunch yesterday; it all goes in one ear and out the other
He comes around here and picks up all the crumbs that make up the cream
Asked about his illness, Don said:
It's all to do with the spine ... because the legs are connected to the body, and the ams are connected to the head
My legs felt like solid jelly
I feel like death rolled up
My doctor said I'm not as young as I should be
Feeling the need for emphasis, he would say:
I don't exaggerate, I do six million jobs at once
Five tenths of an inch is an inch in my language
When I coach people in the best ways to get their point across, I still remember Don calling it a disastrous success and asking, How long is a carrot?
He spoke the way he thought. Right up his cup of tea.
PKP
An ethical dilemma
My friend Jane is a freelance trainer and was approached, recently, by an agency who offered her a short term teaching course at a Midlands college for (say) 20 GBP per hour. When she got to the college, the Dean told her that he had not engaged the agency to fill the post, but had advertised it on Monster for (say) 40 GBP per hour. The agency had offered to provide a tutor for (say) 35 GBP per hour, so the Dean accepted.
The Dean went on to say that he was not keen on using agencies, and had other work for Jane to do, all at 40 GBP per hour, when the short term course was over.
So, the college had no contractual obligation to the agency, and Jane's commitment was for the short term course alone, at the reduced rate of 20 GBP per hour. Should she complete the course and then accept further work direct from the college at twice the money she was getting from the agency?
What would you advise?
PKP
The Dean went on to say that he was not keen on using agencies, and had other work for Jane to do, all at 40 GBP per hour, when the short term course was over.
So, the college had no contractual obligation to the agency, and Jane's commitment was for the short term course alone, at the reduced rate of 20 GBP per hour. Should she complete the course and then accept further work direct from the college at twice the money she was getting from the agency?
What would you advise?
PKP
Wednesday 29 July 2009
This book could make you feel much better
By chance, I came across a book of mine in an unexpected place on the internet.
A website that offers Inspiration and Hope in Bereavement Counselling features my least serious book, Be the best Best Man and Make a Stunning Speech.
I think it came about because somewhere along the line, early publicity for the book sought to justify the double "Best" by adding a comma to the title. In a number of locations, it reads, Be the Best, Best Man and Make a Stunning Speech. Search engines have picked up "Be the Best" and bunged it into the self-help arena.
It is, of course, a self-help book, although of a different kind.
I wrote it almost as a dare. My publisher, HowToBooks, asked if I could do such a book and, naturally, I said Yes. Wouldn't you?
It has just been reprinted for the 10th time! I received my author's complimentary copy yesterday and re-read it. To my delight, I liked it a lot. If someone else had written it, I'd have said, "I wish I'd written that."
It contains Myths and Legends about the marriage ritual, jokes, quotations, and a killer section on the Duties of the Best Man, as well as detailed directions for the preparation and delivery of that all-important Best Man's speech.
At just £8.99 it's a steal! And worth a read even if you are not about to be Best Man. If you can't get it from Waterstone's or Smith's, email me and I'll sell you a copy.
A website that offers Inspiration and Hope in Bereavement Counselling features my least serious book, Be the best Best Man and Make a Stunning Speech.
I think it came about because somewhere along the line, early publicity for the book sought to justify the double "Best" by adding a comma to the title. In a number of locations, it reads, Be the Best, Best Man and Make a Stunning Speech. Search engines have picked up "Be the Best" and bunged it into the self-help arena.
It is, of course, a self-help book, although of a different kind.
I wrote it almost as a dare. My publisher, HowToBooks, asked if I could do such a book and, naturally, I said Yes. Wouldn't you?
It has just been reprinted for the 10th time! I received my author's complimentary copy yesterday and re-read it. To my delight, I liked it a lot. If someone else had written it, I'd have said, "I wish I'd written that."
It contains Myths and Legends about the marriage ritual, jokes, quotations, and a killer section on the Duties of the Best Man, as well as detailed directions for the preparation and delivery of that all-important Best Man's speech.
At just £8.99 it's a steal! And worth a read even if you are not about to be Best Man. If you can't get it from Waterstone's or Smith's, email me and I'll sell you a copy.
Tuesday 21 July 2009
White collar piracy in broad daylight
When I gave a talk about better public speaking, I used the face of a clock as a mnemonic for all the essentials. Later I was approached by a chap who told me how much he enjoyed the talk and especially the clock face idea, and he said he was going to use my idea in a speech he was planning to give soon.
I have a number of 'signature' Hooks to capture the attention of my audiences. One of them is the use of Fortune Cookies, another is the 3-rope trick. It has come to my notice that another speaker has adopted both.
Back in 1985 I created the term "microwave method" to describe my approach to training. I have seen the term in use on the internet.
My friend Paul Joslin attended a speech in the Midlands in which the speaker told a sob story that Paul had heard before in America. When he later tackled the speaker about it, the man said, "I doubt anyone in that audience had been to America, so it doesn't matter."
These are just a few examples of intellectual piracy. How would you feel about your own ideas being stolen?
I have a number of 'signature' Hooks to capture the attention of my audiences. One of them is the use of Fortune Cookies, another is the 3-rope trick. It has come to my notice that another speaker has adopted both.
Back in 1985 I created the term "microwave method" to describe my approach to training. I have seen the term in use on the internet.
My friend Paul Joslin attended a speech in the Midlands in which the speaker told a sob story that Paul had heard before in America. When he later tackled the speaker about it, the man said, "I doubt anyone in that audience had been to America, so it doesn't matter."
These are just a few examples of intellectual piracy. How would you feel about your own ideas being stolen?
Friday 17 July 2009
Did this actually happen?
I have just been sent this 'true story'. Have you seen or heard it yourself?
I wonder if it actually did take place.
It is claimed to be a true story from the Japanese Embassy in the US .
A few days back, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before visiting Washington to meet President Barack Obama...
The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hands with President Obama, please say " How r u". Then Mr. Obama should say, "I am fine, and you?" Now, you should say "Me too ". Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is...
When Mori met Obama, he mistakenly said "who r u?" (Instead of "How r u?")
Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:
"Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha... "
Then Mori replied " me too, ha-ha.. .".
Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.
What do you think?
PKP
I wonder if it actually did take place.
It is claimed to be a true story from the Japanese Embassy in the US .
A few days back, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before visiting Washington to meet President Barack Obama...
The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hands with President Obama, please say " How r u". Then Mr. Obama should say, "I am fine, and you?" Now, you should say "Me too ". Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is...
When Mori met Obama, he mistakenly said "who r u?" (Instead of "How r u?")
Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:
"Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha... "
Then Mori replied " me too, ha-ha.. .".
Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.
What do you think?
PKP
Thursday 16 July 2009
English as she is wrote
Continuing my short series on the use of language.
Different nations use English differently. Sometimes the wrong words get in the way, just because they sound like the ones intended.
I received this essay written by a candidate for a branch of the Indian Civil Service, and thought I must share it with you:
INDIAN COW
He is the cow. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he gives milks. He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forwards and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement.
What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. And he is also useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, and also his gober is much useful to farmers, plants and trees and is used to make flat cakes, in hand and drying sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapond to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft onto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.
Good old Mahesh Pandey! I don't know if he got the job, but if he wants a more traditional approach to the English language, he should contact me at: phillip@pkpcommunicators.com.
PKP
Different nations use English differently. Sometimes the wrong words get in the way, just because they sound like the ones intended.
I received this essay written by a candidate for a branch of the Indian Civil Service, and thought I must share it with you:
INDIAN COW
He is the cow. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he gives milks. He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forwards and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement.
What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. And he is also useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, and also his gober is much useful to farmers, plants and trees and is used to make flat cakes, in hand and drying sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapond to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft onto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.
Good old Mahesh Pandey! I don't know if he got the job, but if he wants a more traditional approach to the English language, he should contact me at: phillip@pkpcommunicators.com.
PKP
Wednesday 15 July 2009
Toilets on Indian trains
Passion can get results, even if it comes from the humblest of sources. In the early 20th century, Indian trains had no toilets, even though the journeys were (and are) long.
Here is copy of a letter posted in the Indian Railway Museum in Delhi. It was sent by Okhil Chandra Sen in 1909 to the Sahib Ganj Divisional Office in West Bengal, after which train compartments came to have attached toilets.
Dear Sir,
I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for the train to go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female woman on platform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station this too much bad if passenger go to make dung and that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake otherwise I make big report to papers.
Yours faithfully servant
Okhil Chandra Sen
If you'd like help with getting results from your letter writing, speeches or presentations, contact: phillip@pkpcommunicators.com
PKP
Here is copy of a letter posted in the Indian Railway Museum in Delhi. It was sent by Okhil Chandra Sen in 1909 to the Sahib Ganj Divisional Office in West Bengal, after which train compartments came to have attached toilets.
Dear Sir,
I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for the train to go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female woman on platform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station this too much bad if passenger go to make dung and that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake otherwise I make big report to papers.
Yours faithfully servant
Okhil Chandra Sen
If you'd like help with getting results from your letter writing, speeches or presentations, contact: phillip@pkpcommunicators.com
PKP
Tuesday 14 July 2009
The trouble with language
Political leaders are supposed to be brilliant communicators, but if you consider the things said by George Bush, you might wonder which planet he is on. Except for the time when he said, “You can fool some of the people all of the time … and those are the ones you have to concentrate on.”
And as I was thinking about language complications, I remembered the difficulties that some very large companies have had with language.
It’s well known that when Coca Cola first ventured into China, the company had the name written phonetically in Chinese characters. They forgot that there are a number of quite different dialects in China, and in one dialect, Coca Cola meant Bite the Wax Tadpole.
Pepsi had a similar false start. The company decided to stick with their international slogan, Come Alive with Pepsi. Unfortunately, that translated into Chinese as "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave".
In Ireland there is a whiskey liqueur called Irish Mist. It is now available in 60 countries. But when they first entered the German market, sales were disappointingly low. What they hadn’t realised was that ‘mist’ is a German slang word for ‘dung’. There wasn’t a huge demand for Irish dung in Germany.
Exam papers are rich in twisted thinking. From the exam papers of medical students in America, we learn that Bacteria means the backdoor to a cafeteria, terminal illness is fall ill at the airport, and Dilate means to live long.
Exams for the Indian Civil Service have always provided a stream of answers that cannot be faulted for their logic, but which try the patience of the examiners. Some of the answers simply indicate that the candidate has understood the question in quite another way.
Here are some examples:
Question: If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become?
Answer: It will sink. Simple as that.
Question: How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
Answer: It is not a problem as you will never find an elephant with one hand.
Question: what happened when the wheel was invented?
Answer: It caused a revolution.
And finally,
Question: How can you drop a raw egg on a concrete floor without cracking it?
Answer: Concrete floors are very hard to crack.
Another fruitful source of mental gymnastics is broadcast quizzes. You really have to wonder if some of the contestants have their brains in sideways.
On BBC Radio Newcastle, Paul Wappat asked, How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
After a long pause, the contestant said, Fourteen days?
On Rock FM, the Presenter asked: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
The contestant replied, Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
My brother sent me a story about the famous fictional cowboy, The Lone Ranger, who had a Red Indian partner or companion called Tonto. (Actually, it’s hard to put a name on their relationship without making it sound like they were both gays.)
Anyway, according to the story, the Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert, and fell asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto woke the Lone Ranger and said, “Kemo Sabe, look towards the sky and tell me what you see.”
The Lone Ranger whose nickname meant The One Who Knows, replied, “I see millions of stars.”
“What means that?” said Tonto.
The Lone Ranger thought for a moment, then he said, “Astronomically, it means there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it means Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we are in for a fine day tomorrow.
What does it mean to you, Tonto?”
Tonto said, “You are dumber than a buffalo. It means someone stole the tent.”
So you see, it all depends on your point of view. And I got a fine example of that in a sermon I heard in church the other day. This is the story.
An English lady vicar was due to visit Switzerland for the first time, and she didn’t know what to expect. She was particularly concerned about the toilet facilities, so she wrote and asked. Being English, she didn’t like to be too direct, so she asked if there would be a WC available to her.
Her Swiss host did not understand what a WC was, so he consulted a colleague, and together they decided it probably stood for Wayside Chapel. So he wrote back saying, “There is a very fine WC located in the nearby woods. It is large enough for about 200 people, and if there are more, the men will be standing.
"As a matter of fact, I met my wife in that WC when we were both attending a baptism ceremony there. The water is very special and if you are lucky enough to get some of it on your hands you won’t want to wash them for the rest of the day.
"I think you will enjoy the experience very much. Please let me know if it interests you and I shall reserve for you the very best seat where you can be seen by everybody.”
So you see, you may know what you want put across, but the other person my receive something different. That’s The Trouble with Language.
If you'd like help with the right language, contact me at: phillip@pkp.co.uk
And as I was thinking about language complications, I remembered the difficulties that some very large companies have had with language.
It’s well known that when Coca Cola first ventured into China, the company had the name written phonetically in Chinese characters. They forgot that there are a number of quite different dialects in China, and in one dialect, Coca Cola meant Bite the Wax Tadpole.
Pepsi had a similar false start. The company decided to stick with their international slogan, Come Alive with Pepsi. Unfortunately, that translated into Chinese as "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave".
In Ireland there is a whiskey liqueur called Irish Mist. It is now available in 60 countries. But when they first entered the German market, sales were disappointingly low. What they hadn’t realised was that ‘mist’ is a German slang word for ‘dung’. There wasn’t a huge demand for Irish dung in Germany.
Exam papers are rich in twisted thinking. From the exam papers of medical students in America, we learn that Bacteria means the backdoor to a cafeteria, terminal illness is fall ill at the airport, and Dilate means to live long.
Exams for the Indian Civil Service have always provided a stream of answers that cannot be faulted for their logic, but which try the patience of the examiners. Some of the answers simply indicate that the candidate has understood the question in quite another way.
Here are some examples:
Question: If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become?
Answer: It will sink. Simple as that.
Question: How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
Answer: It is not a problem as you will never find an elephant with one hand.
Question: what happened when the wheel was invented?
Answer: It caused a revolution.
And finally,
Question: How can you drop a raw egg on a concrete floor without cracking it?
Answer: Concrete floors are very hard to crack.
Another fruitful source of mental gymnastics is broadcast quizzes. You really have to wonder if some of the contestants have their brains in sideways.
On BBC Radio Newcastle, Paul Wappat asked, How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
After a long pause, the contestant said, Fourteen days?
On Rock FM, the Presenter asked: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
The contestant replied, Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
My brother sent me a story about the famous fictional cowboy, The Lone Ranger, who had a Red Indian partner or companion called Tonto. (Actually, it’s hard to put a name on their relationship without making it sound like they were both gays.)
Anyway, according to the story, the Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert, and fell asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto woke the Lone Ranger and said, “Kemo Sabe, look towards the sky and tell me what you see.”
The Lone Ranger whose nickname meant The One Who Knows, replied, “I see millions of stars.”
“What means that?” said Tonto.
The Lone Ranger thought for a moment, then he said, “Astronomically, it means there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it means Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we are in for a fine day tomorrow.
What does it mean to you, Tonto?”
Tonto said, “You are dumber than a buffalo. It means someone stole the tent.”
So you see, it all depends on your point of view. And I got a fine example of that in a sermon I heard in church the other day. This is the story.
An English lady vicar was due to visit Switzerland for the first time, and she didn’t know what to expect. She was particularly concerned about the toilet facilities, so she wrote and asked. Being English, she didn’t like to be too direct, so she asked if there would be a WC available to her.
Her Swiss host did not understand what a WC was, so he consulted a colleague, and together they decided it probably stood for Wayside Chapel. So he wrote back saying, “There is a very fine WC located in the nearby woods. It is large enough for about 200 people, and if there are more, the men will be standing.
"As a matter of fact, I met my wife in that WC when we were both attending a baptism ceremony there. The water is very special and if you are lucky enough to get some of it on your hands you won’t want to wash them for the rest of the day.
"I think you will enjoy the experience very much. Please let me know if it interests you and I shall reserve for you the very best seat where you can be seen by everybody.”
So you see, you may know what you want put across, but the other person my receive something different. That’s The Trouble with Language.
If you'd like help with the right language, contact me at: phillip@pkp.co.uk
Tuesday 7 July 2009
Oz turned me upside down
I was in a shop today and paid for my purchase with a handful of coins. The shop assistant picked up the small silver coin marked 5, turned it over and saw the Queen's head. Satisfied, she said, "Oh it's just a different design." I took the coin back and replaced it with a 5p coin and said, "Sorry, that's an Australian 5 cent coin."
The two are very similar in size and appearance, but if you look closely you will see the word "Australia" on the front. The English coin has D.G.Reg.F.D. and is fractionally smaller.
With the Ashes series about to start, the incident got me thinking about the similarity between the Brits and the Aussies. They may be superficially similar, but they are fundamentally different and therefore not interchangeable.
Something else that is different is my perception of Australia and Australians. The reason I had that coin in my pocket is that I have recently returned from my first ever visit to that country. I was in Sydney, Brisbane and the wine country, and was amazed at the beauty of the country and the friendliness of the people.
I found Australia breathtakingly beautiful and incredibly clean. I also encountered none of the brashness I had expected, nor any of the aggression that marks their performance on the playing field. I'll put that down to extreme competitiveness, an attribute I usually applaud.
My impressions of Oz have been turned upside down!
The two are very similar in size and appearance, but if you look closely you will see the word "Australia" on the front. The English coin has D.G.Reg.F.D. and is fractionally smaller.
With the Ashes series about to start, the incident got me thinking about the similarity between the Brits and the Aussies. They may be superficially similar, but they are fundamentally different and therefore not interchangeable.
Something else that is different is my perception of Australia and Australians. The reason I had that coin in my pocket is that I have recently returned from my first ever visit to that country. I was in Sydney, Brisbane and the wine country, and was amazed at the beauty of the country and the friendliness of the people.
I found Australia breathtakingly beautiful and incredibly clean. I also encountered none of the brashness I had expected, nor any of the aggression that marks their performance on the playing field. I'll put that down to extreme competitiveness, an attribute I usually applaud.
My impressions of Oz have been turned upside down!
Sunday 28 June 2009
The Empty Train
The empty train crept down the track,
It slid into the station.
Eight coaches long, from front to back,
It raised our expectations.
It paused, then rolled reluctantly
Towards the eight-coach mark.
We raised our heads expectantly
But every coach was dark.
Unlit inside, unwashed outside,
A nightmare, not a dream,
The prospect of a grisly ride,
Unlike the age of steam.
It shuddered, squealed, then suddenly
It picked up speed once more,
And scorning us quite openly,
It opened not one door.
The people stood and watched it go
In silent resignation,
Their Monday morning spirits low –
Commuters know their station.
It slid into the station.
Eight coaches long, from front to back,
It raised our expectations.
It paused, then rolled reluctantly
Towards the eight-coach mark.
We raised our heads expectantly
But every coach was dark.
Unlit inside, unwashed outside,
A nightmare, not a dream,
The prospect of a grisly ride,
Unlike the age of steam.
It shuddered, squealed, then suddenly
It picked up speed once more,
And scorning us quite openly,
It opened not one door.
The people stood and watched it go
In silent resignation,
Their Monday morning spirits low –
Commuters know their station.
Friday 26 June 2009
10 Tips On Using Business Cards
1. Exchanging business cards should ALWAYS be done with respect and decorum, whichever country you are in. It is so easy to make a cultural gaffe.
2. In Asia, offering and receiving cards is a very formal ceremony and, in a formal meeting, the cards are kept on display during the meeting. It is a good idea to place the cards you receive in a pattern that corresponds to where each person is seated, so that you can use the correct name.
3. In Asia, never casually offer your card with just one hand. Hold your card with both hands when you give it, and bow slightly.
4. Always pass it the right way up so the other person can read it immediately. This shows consideration for the other person.
5. Show respect when you receive a card by using both hands. Especially in the Far East. Look at it, study it, then put it away or on the table carefully. Do not put it into your back (hip) pocket. (Equally, do not offer an Oriental a card taken from your wallet in your back pocket.)
6. Don't write on other people's business cards
7. The Japanese like photographs on cards. These are beginning to become common in the US and UK. It is worth putting your photo on your own card -- using the same photograph as you might have opn your website.
8. Many US/UK companies are dispensing with job titles, as they are considered unnecessary. However, titles are very important in most other cultures, so use them when abroad. They signify seniority and status, both of which are important in many countries.
9. Have supplementary information or a translation on the reverse side of your card.
10. Your card represents you, so don't use tatty or out-of-date ones. Your card conveys an impression of who you are, and is the main impression that remains when you have left.
2. In Asia, offering and receiving cards is a very formal ceremony and, in a formal meeting, the cards are kept on display during the meeting. It is a good idea to place the cards you receive in a pattern that corresponds to where each person is seated, so that you can use the correct name.
3. In Asia, never casually offer your card with just one hand. Hold your card with both hands when you give it, and bow slightly.
4. Always pass it the right way up so the other person can read it immediately. This shows consideration for the other person.
5. Show respect when you receive a card by using both hands. Especially in the Far East. Look at it, study it, then put it away or on the table carefully. Do not put it into your back (hip) pocket. (Equally, do not offer an Oriental a card taken from your wallet in your back pocket.)
6. Don't write on other people's business cards
7. The Japanese like photographs on cards. These are beginning to become common in the US and UK. It is worth putting your photo on your own card -- using the same photograph as you might have opn your website.
8. Many US/UK companies are dispensing with job titles, as they are considered unnecessary. However, titles are very important in most other cultures, so use them when abroad. They signify seniority and status, both of which are important in many countries.
9. Have supplementary information or a translation on the reverse side of your card.
10. Your card represents you, so don't use tatty or out-of-date ones. Your card conveys an impression of who you are, and is the main impression that remains when you have left.
Thursday 11 June 2009
Why Speaking Louder and Slower Does Not Work
"Every country has its way of saying things. The importance is that which lies behind peoples' words."
Freya Stark: 'The Journeys Echo'
To understand what lies behind the words of someone from another culture, you need cultural adaptability.
In some eastern cultures it is unsophisticated to show surprise. Someone raised that way will respond very coolly to dramatic news, let alone ordinary conversation. A westerner may well imagine that he is not 'getting through', or that the easterner has not understood. The westerner is used to his listeners responding with 'Really'? and 'Oh ah!' and nods of agreement throughout the exchange, and he is uncomfortable when his oriental listener merely nods at the end to indicate, 'Message received and understood'.
We all process information differently, and the way we do so is reflected in the language we use. However, it is important to remember which came first, the mental processes or the language. Clearly, language followed the mental processes. Or rather, the way a nation uses its language indicates how its people think. The English language, for example, can be used in more ways than one. Brits and Americans use the active voice, direct speech and action verbs. The people of Malawi tend to speak and write in the passive voice, third person, and indirect speech. The Arabs have a similar approach. Same language, different attitudes.
In communicating with other cultures, cultural adaptability is more important than language skills. You need a strong willingness to understand what it is that causes the people of another culture to think and behave the way they do. You need to 'tune in'. Cultural adaptability is about switching your communication style to facilitate understanding or to make it easier to work together. You may need to accept that other cultures need time to consider what you say before agreeing or accepting. It may strike you as resistance or even discourtesy, but it may only be the normal response in their culture.
Speaking louder and slower will only make things worse.
Freya Stark: 'The Journeys Echo'
To understand what lies behind the words of someone from another culture, you need cultural adaptability.
In some eastern cultures it is unsophisticated to show surprise. Someone raised that way will respond very coolly to dramatic news, let alone ordinary conversation. A westerner may well imagine that he is not 'getting through', or that the easterner has not understood. The westerner is used to his listeners responding with 'Really'? and 'Oh ah!' and nods of agreement throughout the exchange, and he is uncomfortable when his oriental listener merely nods at the end to indicate, 'Message received and understood'.
We all process information differently, and the way we do so is reflected in the language we use. However, it is important to remember which came first, the mental processes or the language. Clearly, language followed the mental processes. Or rather, the way a nation uses its language indicates how its people think. The English language, for example, can be used in more ways than one. Brits and Americans use the active voice, direct speech and action verbs. The people of Malawi tend to speak and write in the passive voice, third person, and indirect speech. The Arabs have a similar approach. Same language, different attitudes.
In communicating with other cultures, cultural adaptability is more important than language skills. You need a strong willingness to understand what it is that causes the people of another culture to think and behave the way they do. You need to 'tune in'. Cultural adaptability is about switching your communication style to facilitate understanding or to make it easier to work together. You may need to accept that other cultures need time to consider what you say before agreeing or accepting. It may strike you as resistance or even discourtesy, but it may only be the normal response in their culture.
Speaking louder and slower will only make things worse.
Monday 8 June 2009
10 Top Tips in Visual Aids
Having recently been exposed to a number of information-rich Presentations (PowerPoint) I think it might be useful to re-state some basic guidelines. It is all too easy to fall into the trap of illustrating everything, and putting too much detail into slides. The result is a confusing presentation that causes people to switch off.
The most important thing to remember about visual aids is that they should assist the message, not become the message. A visual aid may be a flip chart, a slide, or some other prop. Its purpose is to aid understanding and recall. That's all. It is not a substitute for the Presenter.
PowerPoint has seduced many presenters into overdoing the number of slides. They might as well put on a video! Here are a few simple rules.
1. Each visual aid should have a single purpose -- one message.
2. How many words? Follow the 7x7 rule. No more than seven lines and no more than seven words per line. Even better is the 5x5 rule, because you have five fingers on each hand, and each finger can be used to correspond to the five bullet points, as you present.
3. A slide must be a legitimate summary of what you will be saying in that part of the presentation.
4. In general, each slide must be a brief and clear summary that can be instantly understood. Its design should not send the eye in several different directions.
5. Projected slides are the brightest objects in the room. So beware of becoming subsidiary to the screen. Unless you are describing a graph or reading a quotation, do not face the screen and read the words of your slide. Your audience can read it faster, and will resent being read to.
6. Use the visual aid to make the point, then switch it off. If you are using PowerPoint, press letter 'B' and the screen will go black. When you need the visual to reappear, press 'B' again. You will then retain attention.
7. If you are using a flip chart, write in letters at least 2 inches (5cm) high. Do not write on a flip chart for audiences of more than 25 -- those at the back will not be able to read what you write, unless you write HUGE with a broad nib marker.
8. Make sure the type on your slides is large enough to be read from every part of the room. Check in advance. Do not rely on the tolerance of your audience.
9. Use pictures. A presentation with text-only slides is visually boring.
10. Practise the presentation, so that the slide changes are slick and unnoticeable. It helps to have a print-out of the slides in front of you, so that you know what's the next slide and can lead up to it.
Finally, please remember that your focus should be on the message you want to impart - a message that arises within you, and one that you could, if necessary, put across without any slides at all. What people want from you is your Wisdom, not your PowerPoint slides.
For more help contact phillip@pkpcommunicators.com
The most important thing to remember about visual aids is that they should assist the message, not become the message. A visual aid may be a flip chart, a slide, or some other prop. Its purpose is to aid understanding and recall. That's all. It is not a substitute for the Presenter.
PowerPoint has seduced many presenters into overdoing the number of slides. They might as well put on a video! Here are a few simple rules.
1. Each visual aid should have a single purpose -- one message.
2. How many words? Follow the 7x7 rule. No more than seven lines and no more than seven words per line. Even better is the 5x5 rule, because you have five fingers on each hand, and each finger can be used to correspond to the five bullet points, as you present.
3. A slide must be a legitimate summary of what you will be saying in that part of the presentation.
4. In general, each slide must be a brief and clear summary that can be instantly understood. Its design should not send the eye in several different directions.
5. Projected slides are the brightest objects in the room. So beware of becoming subsidiary to the screen. Unless you are describing a graph or reading a quotation, do not face the screen and read the words of your slide. Your audience can read it faster, and will resent being read to.
6. Use the visual aid to make the point, then switch it off. If you are using PowerPoint, press letter 'B' and the screen will go black. When you need the visual to reappear, press 'B' again. You will then retain attention.
7. If you are using a flip chart, write in letters at least 2 inches (5cm) high. Do not write on a flip chart for audiences of more than 25 -- those at the back will not be able to read what you write, unless you write HUGE with a broad nib marker.
8. Make sure the type on your slides is large enough to be read from every part of the room. Check in advance. Do not rely on the tolerance of your audience.
9. Use pictures. A presentation with text-only slides is visually boring.
10. Practise the presentation, so that the slide changes are slick and unnoticeable. It helps to have a print-out of the slides in front of you, so that you know what's the next slide and can lead up to it.
Finally, please remember that your focus should be on the message you want to impart - a message that arises within you, and one that you could, if necessary, put across without any slides at all. What people want from you is your Wisdom, not your PowerPoint slides.
For more help contact phillip@pkpcommunicators.com
Friday 5 June 2009
The difference betwen communicating in writing and in person
There are a few fundamental differences in the communication process when it is conducted in person, against written communication. They fall under three broad headings: language, attitude and feedback.
LANGUAGE:
The language that is written to be read is different from the language that is written to be said. The main differences are:
• Grammatical - spoken language is less correct
• Repetition - spoken language uses more repetition, while written texts let you go back and read again what you might have missed
• Sentence length - speech requires shorter sentences
• Directness - speech requires you to get to the point of a sentence quicker
• Vocabulary - written texts tend to have a higher level of vocabulary
ATTITUDE:
Written texts are usually read in the absence of the author, and their meaning is coloured by the reader, not the author. Spoken texts are always coloured by the author's delivery.
Spoken texts are more likely to be intended to influence the feelings as well as the thinking of the audience. They are therefore more likely to reveal the speaker's intentions. Written texts can be more subtle.
The speaker can use oratorical devices such as repetition and rhythm to stir the emotions. Sound adds much to the effect of words, especially if the words also make powerful pictures in the minds of the listeners.
FEEDBACK:
• The speaker can see how the audience is reacting, and adjust his/her delivery.
• The speaker can go back and explain in greater detail if necessary.
• The writer cannot take back what has been written. The speaker can (sometimes) take back what might have caused misunderstanding or offence.
The speaker can be influenced by the listener more readily than the writer by the reader.
Although there are rules in common (for example, in following the sequence of Persuasion), it is essential to treat these two forms of verbal communication differently, both in the preparation and in the delivery.
For guidance and/or coaching call me on 07768 696254.
LANGUAGE:
The language that is written to be read is different from the language that is written to be said. The main differences are:
• Grammatical - spoken language is less correct
• Repetition - spoken language uses more repetition, while written texts let you go back and read again what you might have missed
• Sentence length - speech requires shorter sentences
• Directness - speech requires you to get to the point of a sentence quicker
• Vocabulary - written texts tend to have a higher level of vocabulary
ATTITUDE:
Written texts are usually read in the absence of the author, and their meaning is coloured by the reader, not the author. Spoken texts are always coloured by the author's delivery.
Spoken texts are more likely to be intended to influence the feelings as well as the thinking of the audience. They are therefore more likely to reveal the speaker's intentions. Written texts can be more subtle.
The speaker can use oratorical devices such as repetition and rhythm to stir the emotions. Sound adds much to the effect of words, especially if the words also make powerful pictures in the minds of the listeners.
FEEDBACK:
• The speaker can see how the audience is reacting, and adjust his/her delivery.
• The speaker can go back and explain in greater detail if necessary.
• The writer cannot take back what has been written. The speaker can (sometimes) take back what might have caused misunderstanding or offence.
The speaker can be influenced by the listener more readily than the writer by the reader.
Although there are rules in common (for example, in following the sequence of Persuasion), it is essential to treat these two forms of verbal communication differently, both in the preparation and in the delivery.
For guidance and/or coaching call me on 07768 696254.
Tuesday 26 May 2009
Lost in translation
Every time a text is translated from one language to another, something changes. If you translate back and forth between English and a a succession of different languages, you could quickly lose the sense of what you started to say.
Here's one example:
Original English Text:
With the recent launch of the ONETEAM plan the ELT and I thought it would be a good idea to create a dedicated forum to keep you updated on the progress we are making and, at the same time, each engagement team will have the opportunity, on a voluntary basis, to give an update on the progress they have made on their own engagement plan.
Translated to French:
Avec le lancement récent du plan d'ONETEAM le ELT et moi avons pensé
que ce serait une bonne idée de créer un forum dédié pour vous
maintenir mis à jour sur le progrès que nous accomplissons et, en
même temps, chaque équipe d'enclenchement aura l'occasion, sur une
base volontaire, de donner une mise à jour sur le progrès ils ont
accompli sur leur propre plan d'enclenchement.
Translated back to English:
With the recent launching of the plan of ONETEAM the ELT and me
thought that it would be a good idea to create a forum dedicated to
maintain you updated on progress that we achieve and, at the same
time, each team of interlocking will have the occasion, on a voluntary
basis, to give an update on progress they achieved on their own plan
of interlocking.
Translated to German:
Mit dem neuen Starten des Planes von ONETEAM das ELT und ich, die Gedanke, dass es eine gute Idee sein würde, ein Forum herzustellen, das eingesetzt wurde, um Sie beizubehalten, auf Fortschritt, den wir erzielen und gleichzeitig jedem Team des Ineinandergreifens änderte hat die Gelegenheit auf freiwilliger Basis zum eines Aktualisierungsvorganges auf Fortschritt zu geben sie auf ihrem eigenen Plan des Ineinandergreifens erzielten.
Translated back to English:
With the new starting of the plan of ONETEAM ELT and I to manufacture a forum the thought that it would be a good idea, which was used, in order to maintain you, on progress, which we obtain and at the same time to each team of interlinking modified has the opportunity on voluntary base to a updating process on progress to give it on their own plan of interlinking obtained.
Translated to Italian:
Con nuovo cominciare del programma di ONETEAM ELT ed I produrre una
tribuna il pensiero che sarebbe una buona idea, che è stata usata,
per effettuarli, su progresso, quale otteniamo ed allo stesso tempo ad
ogni squadra di collegamento modificata ha l'occasione sulla base
volontaria ad un processo d'aggiornamento su progresso darlo sul loro
proprio programma di collegamento ottenuto.
Translated back to English:
With new beginning of the program of ONETEAM ELT and producing a
tribune the thought that would be a good idea, that has been used, in
order to carry out them, on progress, which we obtain and at the same
time to every square of modified connection it has the occasion on the
voluntary base to a refresh process on progress to give it on theirs
just program of obtained connection.
Translated to Portuguese:
Com começo novo do programa de ONETEAM ELT e produzir um tribune o
pensamento que seria uma idéia boa, isso foi usado, a fim
realizá-lo, no progresso, qual nós obtemos e ao mesmo tempo a cada
quadrado da conexão que modificada tem a ocasião na base voluntária
a um processo refrescar no progresso para lhe dar em dele o programa
justo da conexão obtida.
Translated back to English:
With new start of the program of ONETEAM ELT and to produce one
tribune the thought that would be a good idea, this was used, the end
to carry through it, in the progress, which we gets and at the same
time to each square of the connection that modified has the occasion
in the voluntary base to a process to refresh in the progress for
giving to it just in of it the program of the gotten connection.
Translated to Spanish:
Con el nuevo comienzo del programa de ONETEAM ELT y producir una tribuna el pensamiento que sería una buena idea, esto fue utilizado, el extremo para llevar con él, en el progreso, cuáles conseguimos y al mismo tiempo a cada cuadrado de la conexión que se modificó tiene la ocasión en la base voluntaria a un proceso a restaurar en el progreso para darle apenas adentro de él el programa de la conexión conseguida.
Translated back to English:
With the new beginning of the program of ONETEAM ELT and to produce a tribune the thought that would be a good idea, this was used, the end to take with him, in the progress, which we obtained and at the same time to each squaring of the connection that modified it has the occasion in the voluntary base to a process to recover in the progress to just give inside of him the program him of the secured connection.
Que?
Here's one example:
Original English Text:
With the recent launch of the ONETEAM plan the ELT and I thought it would be a good idea to create a dedicated forum to keep you updated on the progress we are making and, at the same time, each engagement team will have the opportunity, on a voluntary basis, to give an update on the progress they have made on their own engagement plan.
Translated to French:
Avec le lancement récent du plan d'ONETEAM le ELT et moi avons pensé
que ce serait une bonne idée de créer un forum dédié pour vous
maintenir mis à jour sur le progrès que nous accomplissons et, en
même temps, chaque équipe d'enclenchement aura l'occasion, sur une
base volontaire, de donner une mise à jour sur le progrès ils ont
accompli sur leur propre plan d'enclenchement.
Translated back to English:
With the recent launching of the plan of ONETEAM the ELT and me
thought that it would be a good idea to create a forum dedicated to
maintain you updated on progress that we achieve and, at the same
time, each team of interlocking will have the occasion, on a voluntary
basis, to give an update on progress they achieved on their own plan
of interlocking.
Translated to German:
Mit dem neuen Starten des Planes von ONETEAM das ELT und ich, die Gedanke, dass es eine gute Idee sein würde, ein Forum herzustellen, das eingesetzt wurde, um Sie beizubehalten, auf Fortschritt, den wir erzielen und gleichzeitig jedem Team des Ineinandergreifens änderte hat die Gelegenheit auf freiwilliger Basis zum eines Aktualisierungsvorganges auf Fortschritt zu geben sie auf ihrem eigenen Plan des Ineinandergreifens erzielten.
Translated back to English:
With the new starting of the plan of ONETEAM ELT and I to manufacture a forum the thought that it would be a good idea, which was used, in order to maintain you, on progress, which we obtain and at the same time to each team of interlinking modified has the opportunity on voluntary base to a updating process on progress to give it on their own plan of interlinking obtained.
Translated to Italian:
Con nuovo cominciare del programma di ONETEAM ELT ed I produrre una
tribuna il pensiero che sarebbe una buona idea, che è stata usata,
per effettuarli, su progresso, quale otteniamo ed allo stesso tempo ad
ogni squadra di collegamento modificata ha l'occasione sulla base
volontaria ad un processo d'aggiornamento su progresso darlo sul loro
proprio programma di collegamento ottenuto.
Translated back to English:
With new beginning of the program of ONETEAM ELT and producing a
tribune the thought that would be a good idea, that has been used, in
order to carry out them, on progress, which we obtain and at the same
time to every square of modified connection it has the occasion on the
voluntary base to a refresh process on progress to give it on theirs
just program of obtained connection.
Translated to Portuguese:
Com começo novo do programa de ONETEAM ELT e produzir um tribune o
pensamento que seria uma idéia boa, isso foi usado, a fim
realizá-lo, no progresso, qual nós obtemos e ao mesmo tempo a cada
quadrado da conexão que modificada tem a ocasião na base voluntária
a um processo refrescar no progresso para lhe dar em dele o programa
justo da conexão obtida.
Translated back to English:
With new start of the program of ONETEAM ELT and to produce one
tribune the thought that would be a good idea, this was used, the end
to carry through it, in the progress, which we gets and at the same
time to each square of the connection that modified has the occasion
in the voluntary base to a process to refresh in the progress for
giving to it just in of it the program of the gotten connection.
Translated to Spanish:
Con el nuevo comienzo del programa de ONETEAM ELT y producir una tribuna el pensamiento que sería una buena idea, esto fue utilizado, el extremo para llevar con él, en el progreso, cuáles conseguimos y al mismo tiempo a cada cuadrado de la conexión que se modificó tiene la ocasión en la base voluntaria a un proceso a restaurar en el progreso para darle apenas adentro de él el programa de la conexión conseguida.
Translated back to English:
With the new beginning of the program of ONETEAM ELT and to produce a tribune the thought that would be a good idea, this was used, the end to take with him, in the progress, which we obtained and at the same time to each squaring of the connection that modified it has the occasion in the voluntary base to a process to recover in the progress to just give inside of him the program him of the secured connection.
Que?
Monday 11 May 2009
The Right Language for Business
Poor English is probably one of the most powerful and least suspected causes of lost business. If it could be measured, the scale of the losses would be frightening.
Consider your own reaction to the often hilarious signs and notices you encounter abroad in hotels, brochures and shop windows. A card in the window of a Hong Kong tailor says, “Ladies may have a fit upstairs”, while a hotel in Paris advises you to “Leave your values at the front desk”. A sign in a foreign dry cleaners reads, “Ladies, leave your clothes here and have a good time”.
Such errors are not confined to small businesses. Even multi-national corporations can make expensive mistakes with language. Pepsi Cola’s first venture into China suffered from the direct translation of their regular slogan, “Come alive with Pepsi”. In Chinese it came out as “Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave”. Similarly, the whiskey liqueur, Irish Mist, failed to appeal to German drinkers, because Mist is German slang for something unpleasant.
Beyond these glaring cross-cultural howlers, there are many grammatical and other errors regularly made by UK businesses in their dealings with their English speaking markets. There are also examples of language that might seem clear to the writer, but not to most of us. Have you ever read the instructions for filling out a tax return or some other official document? The individual words may be familiar, but the way they are combined may leave you gasping for air.
It does a business like yours no good at all to use language in this way. Because English is the language of business, if you use it badly you will lose out. So let me briefly illustrate some of the ways in which language gets in the way of good communication, and offer you some simple solutions.
Common errors
One of the most common errors in letters goes like this: “As a valued customer, we would like to make you an offer.” I understand the intention, but the way it is written suggests that the valued customer is the writer. Here are two alternative ways to express the same idea correctly:
1. As a valued customer, you are entitled to a special offer.
2. Because you are a valued customer, I’d like to make you an offer.
Another error from the same stable is “between you and I” or some version of that. For example, “It appeals to you and I” should be “It appeals to you and me”. When you reverse the words You and I, or when you leave out You altogether, you can hear how wrong it sounds to say “It appeals to I”.
Speaking in riddles
A newspaper astrologer whose Horoscopes appear in the newspapers of more than one country, recently wrote this: The problems you’re currently facing are aggravating. And they promise to become more complicated this week. Still, they’re no surprise. Ironically their increased severity both acts as a spur to tackle these head on and get those who’re equally involved in finding a solution.
I must confess I had to read it a few times before I properly understood what was meant.
The English have a tendency to speak and write in metaphors, which are not always understood by those from other countries. A piece in The Guardian about Jonny Wilkinson had this: “He seems perpetually to glow. It’s as though Jonny is perpetually bathed in the golden light of a late summer afternoon.” It’s attractive and poetic, and fine in some contexts, but worth avoiding in business.
Another source of confusion is the use of negatives. An American company was negotiating a textile deal with a Japanese firm. Towards the end of the negotiations, the Japanese chief negotiator brought his team to run through a check list of agreements with his American counterpart. As he raised each point, the American answered, “No problem.”
The Japanese negotiator became increasingly tense and eventually closed his notebook, stood up and left the room. Aghast, the American said, “What happened? Why did he leave?” The Japanese No. 2 said, “We are very disappointed that all the points we had agreed are now not agreed.”
The American had said “(There is) no problem”, but the Japanese had heard, “No. (There is a) problem.” That’s the danger of using a negative form of words to express a positive idea.
Globish
Jean-Paul Nerriere, a retired vice president of IBM in the United States, has come up with a simplified form of business English. He intended it for use in international dealings, but it could have value in Britain as well. He calls it Globish.
According to his research, there could be as many as 615,000 words in the English language, but he noticed that foreigners using English did so in a simple way, using very few words. A Korean and a German might converse in a form of English that you might find hard to follow, but they manage to understand each other. About one billion people (one sixth of the world’s population) is now using some non-standard or non-Anglo-American form of English. In fact, some 80% of the world’s home pages on the internet use “some kind of English”.
Nerriere formalised it as Globish, based on a vocabulary of just 1,500 words, short sentences and an absence of idiomatic expressions.
Self important language
Even while Globish and texting are simplifying language, official organisations are still using language that is both old-fashioned and self important. A job ad in The Times has this:
Over the past two years we have turned our business around and restored it to a sound financial and operational position, investing in our infrastructure and people, and greatly improving the service experience of … customers.
Service experience?
Another ad in the same paper has this:
The Council is the CC’s strategic management Board, responsible for establishing the overall strategic direction of the Commission, as well as ensuring high standards of governance and efficient discharge of the CC’s statutory functions.
With a little effort it is possible to work out what is meant, but why does it have to use language that is not immediately clear?
Here’s a simple rule of thumb for anything you are writing: let the reader understand what it’s about in 3 seconds or less.
Emails
Consider how you treat emails. How do you decide whether to read or discard the many emails that flood into your Inbox every day?
Typically, I get about 300 a day. And because I am out and about, I also receive them on my Blackberry. I cannot afford much time to go through emails and vet them, so I check and clear several times a day. Most emails get about one second of my time before they are deleted. Who sent it, and what is it about? That’s all I need to know before I read or delete it.
Now, what if one of those emails came from you?
On my Blackberry the subject line is very short, so the first TWO WORDS must be attractive. If I then open the email, I want to know immediately what it’s about. I look for three things:
1. the full subject line (is it spam?)
2. how I am addressed (got my name right?)
3. the opening sentence (what’s the offer?)
Three things in three seconds. Only then will I consider reading the email. And even then I skim read. So it is vitally important to get to the point.
Leonard Bernstein wrote the music for My Fair Lady. At the height of his fame, a young man approached him with an idea for a new musical. “Write it on the back of your business card,” said Bernstein. The young man protested, “I couldn’t possibly fit it on the back of my card!”
“Then,” said Bernstein, “it isn’t ready.” So get to the point quickly.
Jargon
The use of jargon is guaranteed to turn off and even antagonise people. Often it is used to indicate “I am on the inside track. I am in the know.” It’s an attitude that conflicts with the purpose of communication.
Jargon is not only the use of specialist terms (which sometimes cannot be avoided), but also the use of certain standard phrases that are mistaken for business English. Here’s an example I picked up from another article on clear communication:
“Moving forwards, we at Virgin Trains are looking to take ownership of the flow in question to apply our pricing structure, thus resulting in this journey search appearing in the new category-matrix format … I hope this makes the situation clear.”
Clear? Not bloomin’ likely! I don’t know if it actually came from a Virgin Trains document, but it’s a fine example of the kind of language to avoid.
Finally …
It’s always better to say or write something, than to remain silent. But remember that you will be judged by a critical audience. So write as you would speak to someone you respect. And then get a good writer to cast an eye over it and correct the most glaring errors.
Be direct, get to the point early, and don’t let anything get in the way of your enthusiasm.
Consider your own reaction to the often hilarious signs and notices you encounter abroad in hotels, brochures and shop windows. A card in the window of a Hong Kong tailor says, “Ladies may have a fit upstairs”, while a hotel in Paris advises you to “Leave your values at the front desk”. A sign in a foreign dry cleaners reads, “Ladies, leave your clothes here and have a good time”.
Such errors are not confined to small businesses. Even multi-national corporations can make expensive mistakes with language. Pepsi Cola’s first venture into China suffered from the direct translation of their regular slogan, “Come alive with Pepsi”. In Chinese it came out as “Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave”. Similarly, the whiskey liqueur, Irish Mist, failed to appeal to German drinkers, because Mist is German slang for something unpleasant.
Beyond these glaring cross-cultural howlers, there are many grammatical and other errors regularly made by UK businesses in their dealings with their English speaking markets. There are also examples of language that might seem clear to the writer, but not to most of us. Have you ever read the instructions for filling out a tax return or some other official document? The individual words may be familiar, but the way they are combined may leave you gasping for air.
It does a business like yours no good at all to use language in this way. Because English is the language of business, if you use it badly you will lose out. So let me briefly illustrate some of the ways in which language gets in the way of good communication, and offer you some simple solutions.
Common errors
One of the most common errors in letters goes like this: “As a valued customer, we would like to make you an offer.” I understand the intention, but the way it is written suggests that the valued customer is the writer. Here are two alternative ways to express the same idea correctly:
1. As a valued customer, you are entitled to a special offer.
2. Because you are a valued customer, I’d like to make you an offer.
Another error from the same stable is “between you and I” or some version of that. For example, “It appeals to you and I” should be “It appeals to you and me”. When you reverse the words You and I, or when you leave out You altogether, you can hear how wrong it sounds to say “It appeals to I”.
Speaking in riddles
A newspaper astrologer whose Horoscopes appear in the newspapers of more than one country, recently wrote this: The problems you’re currently facing are aggravating. And they promise to become more complicated this week. Still, they’re no surprise. Ironically their increased severity both acts as a spur to tackle these head on and get those who’re equally involved in finding a solution.
I must confess I had to read it a few times before I properly understood what was meant.
The English have a tendency to speak and write in metaphors, which are not always understood by those from other countries. A piece in The Guardian about Jonny Wilkinson had this: “He seems perpetually to glow. It’s as though Jonny is perpetually bathed in the golden light of a late summer afternoon.” It’s attractive and poetic, and fine in some contexts, but worth avoiding in business.
Another source of confusion is the use of negatives. An American company was negotiating a textile deal with a Japanese firm. Towards the end of the negotiations, the Japanese chief negotiator brought his team to run through a check list of agreements with his American counterpart. As he raised each point, the American answered, “No problem.”
The Japanese negotiator became increasingly tense and eventually closed his notebook, stood up and left the room. Aghast, the American said, “What happened? Why did he leave?” The Japanese No. 2 said, “We are very disappointed that all the points we had agreed are now not agreed.”
The American had said “(There is) no problem”, but the Japanese had heard, “No. (There is a) problem.” That’s the danger of using a negative form of words to express a positive idea.
Globish
Jean-Paul Nerriere, a retired vice president of IBM in the United States, has come up with a simplified form of business English. He intended it for use in international dealings, but it could have value in Britain as well. He calls it Globish.
According to his research, there could be as many as 615,000 words in the English language, but he noticed that foreigners using English did so in a simple way, using very few words. A Korean and a German might converse in a form of English that you might find hard to follow, but they manage to understand each other. About one billion people (one sixth of the world’s population) is now using some non-standard or non-Anglo-American form of English. In fact, some 80% of the world’s home pages on the internet use “some kind of English”.
Nerriere formalised it as Globish, based on a vocabulary of just 1,500 words, short sentences and an absence of idiomatic expressions.
Self important language
Even while Globish and texting are simplifying language, official organisations are still using language that is both old-fashioned and self important. A job ad in The Times has this:
Over the past two years we have turned our business around and restored it to a sound financial and operational position, investing in our infrastructure and people, and greatly improving the service experience of … customers.
Service experience?
Another ad in the same paper has this:
The Council is the CC’s strategic management Board, responsible for establishing the overall strategic direction of the Commission, as well as ensuring high standards of governance and efficient discharge of the CC’s statutory functions.
With a little effort it is possible to work out what is meant, but why does it have to use language that is not immediately clear?
Here’s a simple rule of thumb for anything you are writing: let the reader understand what it’s about in 3 seconds or less.
Emails
Consider how you treat emails. How do you decide whether to read or discard the many emails that flood into your Inbox every day?
Typically, I get about 300 a day. And because I am out and about, I also receive them on my Blackberry. I cannot afford much time to go through emails and vet them, so I check and clear several times a day. Most emails get about one second of my time before they are deleted. Who sent it, and what is it about? That’s all I need to know before I read or delete it.
Now, what if one of those emails came from you?
On my Blackberry the subject line is very short, so the first TWO WORDS must be attractive. If I then open the email, I want to know immediately what it’s about. I look for three things:
1. the full subject line (is it spam?)
2. how I am addressed (got my name right?)
3. the opening sentence (what’s the offer?)
Three things in three seconds. Only then will I consider reading the email. And even then I skim read. So it is vitally important to get to the point.
Leonard Bernstein wrote the music for My Fair Lady. At the height of his fame, a young man approached him with an idea for a new musical. “Write it on the back of your business card,” said Bernstein. The young man protested, “I couldn’t possibly fit it on the back of my card!”
“Then,” said Bernstein, “it isn’t ready.” So get to the point quickly.
Jargon
The use of jargon is guaranteed to turn off and even antagonise people. Often it is used to indicate “I am on the inside track. I am in the know.” It’s an attitude that conflicts with the purpose of communication.
Jargon is not only the use of specialist terms (which sometimes cannot be avoided), but also the use of certain standard phrases that are mistaken for business English. Here’s an example I picked up from another article on clear communication:
“Moving forwards, we at Virgin Trains are looking to take ownership of the flow in question to apply our pricing structure, thus resulting in this journey search appearing in the new category-matrix format … I hope this makes the situation clear.”
Clear? Not bloomin’ likely! I don’t know if it actually came from a Virgin Trains document, but it’s a fine example of the kind of language to avoid.
Finally …
It’s always better to say or write something, than to remain silent. But remember that you will be judged by a critical audience. So write as you would speak to someone you respect. And then get a good writer to cast an eye over it and correct the most glaring errors.
Be direct, get to the point early, and don’t let anything get in the way of your enthusiasm.
Friday 10 April 2009
What is the real meaning behind what people say?
Here are just a few examples of the double-speak that we all engage in. But I wonder if we always hear the sub-text when someone says:
I hear what you say
I see where you are coming from
I hope you like strong tea
I'll get back to you on that
Here, let me get you a coaster
No, no, I'm not offended. I can take a joke.
The conference covered a lot of ground and there was a full and frank exchange of views
You look really young
Please don't mind me
It's not that I don't believe you …
Q. How do you like him?
A. Actually, I hardly know him
A. He's very good at his job
A. He means well
A. I've got nothing against him
Q. How do you like my house?
A. It has that lived-in look
A. It makes you feel at home
A. What an interesting colour scheme
A. I hate a home where everything is neatly put away
Q. You've heard my complaint. Will you put it right?
A. I have listened with interest and made a note of your views
A. I'll make these points clear to all concerned
A. I assure you I will keep it top-of-mind
A. I'll look into it, first chance I get
I hope I'm not interrupting
Forgive me, but …
You must come over for dinner some time
We're all in this together
Often the real meaning is in the sub-text. What do you make of those examples?
Now, how about some of your own?
I hear what you say
I see where you are coming from
I hope you like strong tea
I'll get back to you on that
Here, let me get you a coaster
No, no, I'm not offended. I can take a joke.
The conference covered a lot of ground and there was a full and frank exchange of views
You look really young
Please don't mind me
It's not that I don't believe you …
Q. How do you like him?
A. Actually, I hardly know him
A. He's very good at his job
A. He means well
A. I've got nothing against him
Q. How do you like my house?
A. It has that lived-in look
A. It makes you feel at home
A. What an interesting colour scheme
A. I hate a home where everything is neatly put away
Q. You've heard my complaint. Will you put it right?
A. I have listened with interest and made a note of your views
A. I'll make these points clear to all concerned
A. I assure you I will keep it top-of-mind
A. I'll look into it, first chance I get
I hope I'm not interrupting
Forgive me, but …
You must come over for dinner some time
We're all in this together
Often the real meaning is in the sub-text. What do you make of those examples?
Now, how about some of your own?
Thursday 9 April 2009
Terrible Apprentices
Caught the end of last night's Apprentice, just in time to see the miserable trio facing the sack.
What is it about the selection procedure that enlists the same kind of deadbeats in every series? In the current series, there's a chap called Ben who is so full of self-justification, it's painful to watch. In last night's episode, after one of them got the chop, Ben and James went back to the penthouse in the same limo. As they had spent the previous half hour trying to get each other fired, I wonder what they talked about in the limo ...
The show is remarkable, not only for the monumental incompetence displayed by people who think they are worth £100,000 a year as Sralan's protege, but for their very poor communication skills. In the boardroom they bluster and posture, but out in the field they are worse. The project leaders show little understanding of management or delegation, and frequently refuse to listen to the advice of their colleagues.
In situations when the teams have to present their propositions, their presentations skills would embarrass a class of sixth formers. Finally, on their return to the boardroom, their mutual condemnations are devoid of the personal dignity that I would expect of a reputable business person.
What do YOU think of them?
What is it about the selection procedure that enlists the same kind of deadbeats in every series? In the current series, there's a chap called Ben who is so full of self-justification, it's painful to watch. In last night's episode, after one of them got the chop, Ben and James went back to the penthouse in the same limo. As they had spent the previous half hour trying to get each other fired, I wonder what they talked about in the limo ...
The show is remarkable, not only for the monumental incompetence displayed by people who think they are worth £100,000 a year as Sralan's protege, but for their very poor communication skills. In the boardroom they bluster and posture, but out in the field they are worse. The project leaders show little understanding of management or delegation, and frequently refuse to listen to the advice of their colleagues.
In situations when the teams have to present their propositions, their presentations skills would embarrass a class of sixth formers. Finally, on their return to the boardroom, their mutual condemnations are devoid of the personal dignity that I would expect of a reputable business person.
What do YOU think of them?
Tuesday 7 April 2009
The Speaker
I just watched the first episode in the new BBC2 series called The Speaker, to find the best young speaker in Britain. I thought the choice of judges was terrible. They displayed a lack of understanding of public speaking disciplines, and were critical of the young contestants in a way that could only harm their self confidence.
The programme's format was odd, to say the least, and the judging criteria bizarre. Whom did the BBC contact? The judges were a terrible stand-up performer, an acting tutor, and a former basketball player. The editing wasn't much better.
What a sad wasted opportunity! What's worse is that the winner will be coached by those judges.
The programme's format was odd, to say the least, and the judging criteria bizarre. Whom did the BBC contact? The judges were a terrible stand-up performer, an acting tutor, and a former basketball player. The editing wasn't much better.
What a sad wasted opportunity! What's worse is that the winner will be coached by those judges.
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